The Fundamental Secret of How I Do My Life
“Wow! Busy mama!” folks exclaim as we come into sight, before they even stop counting heads.
“How do you do it?”
I hear that question relatively often, from other moms or people who see my large family, with eight kids ranging in age from eleven to two, and think that it equates an unimaginable amount of work and stress only overcome by superhuman abilities.
While it would be fun to reveal I have some kind of super power or divulge a magical secret formula for how to manage life with many young children, the honest truth is I don’t.
I’m truly not even that patient. (Shocker, I know.)
Every day usually brings at least one moment (or many) where I tell God in exasperation that I just can’t do it, I don’t want to do it, and I have no idea how to keep going.
Then I keep going.
Beyond any sort of efficiency tips, parenting ideologies, logistics or systems I implement, deeper than the homeschool curriculums and methods I employ, deeper even than the energetic, strong personality I’ve been blessed with, these are the two main factors that form the foundation of how I do my life:
1. I turn to God.
2. I don’t quit.
While I am humbly honored by anyone wanting my thoughts on the actual practical ways I operate my home and manage the humans in it, I have to start with the baseline of these two practices. And the best part is, if I can do this, I absolutely believe anyone can do them as well!
I am fully human, very flawed, prone to frustration, exhaustion, insecurity, and a frantic need to control. The great news is I don’t have to rely on this part of me, because as a follower of Christ, my Bible tells me that I am loved by God, chosen, holy, and free from sin. I have been showered with kindness, wisdom, and understanding. I have been made a new creation, a masterpiece of God, made to do the good things He planned for me long ago. And I am brought near to God through the sacrifice of Christ. (Ephesians 1:4,7-8; 2:10, 13)
I am not a superhuman. But I trust and know a superbly supreme Super-Being who fills me each day with the ability to live in a way that is not based in my human nature (when I allow Him to).
I can only make it so far on my own strength and ability to control my temper and adjust my attitude. I am unable to be endlessly patient with whining and bickering. I lack the endurance to patiently teach and re-teach a stonewalling, snarky child how to find the greatest common factor, or the right way to fold clean laundry, or to speak respectfully to a younger sibling. I am quickly bewildered by how to get an obstinate toddler to stop spitting on the carpet, or help a frustrated child cope with ongoing eczema outbreaks.
Multiply all that by eight, add a cluttered, dusty house and three daily meals to prepare, and on my own steam I don’t have a chance.
So.
1. I turn to God.
My relationship with God is the dearest thing I possess. Thus I make it a priority to haul my often-tired self out of bed each morning and spend time reading His Word, talking to Him and (here’s the hard part) staying quiet enough to listen to Him. But He meets with me in those quiet morning moments, and His presence brings a solace, joy, and strength to my soul that nothing else gives.
I would be a fool to skip out on this essential, life-giving interaction, because this is the secret fuel that gives me the power to make it through each day.
I don’t stop eating physical food or drinking water during the day, or I would crash in exhausted lack of energy. In the same way, my time in the Bible and in prayer and meditation is the food that feeds my heart and gets my mindset on track for each situation I may encounter.
Whether it’s ten precious minutes or a delightful hour or more, time with my Father fills me up to carry on my current work of being a mama, wifey, and Household Executive of a family of ten needy, wonderful, imperfect people.
Even just deliberately choosing to turn my thoughts toward Him throughout my day, whispering a prayer in my heart, and deciding to be thankful for something in the midst of the noisy mess has a way of refilling the joy and peace that only He can give.
2. I don’t quit.
My second “secret” is just to keep going. My God is faithful. I want to be like Him. He doesn’t quit on me – ever. So I know He’ll give me the ability and strength for each new day to put one foot in front of the other on this journey of mothering and homemaking.
And He’ll hold my heart and give me peace when I want to scream, smash a glass dish or two, burn the dinner, and fly away to an isolated Caribbean island for six months. I know because He has done it – and His peace is priceless and incomprehensible.
So basically, my second foundational aspect of how I do my life – not quitting – is also centered in God.
There you have it, the big secret of “how I do it”: God. He’s the “how”. He’s really the only “how” ever. Other things can be helpful, but for me He is the essential.
The Bible states that those who have Him have everything they need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). And God always keeps His promises. Especially to busy, easily overwhelmed mamas like me.
(Thanks for asking!)