Miller Life – EAST WILLOW PLACE

How to Use Courageous Humility to Bring New Connection

Dinner was steaming on the table. Anger was shimmering in the air.

It had been a long, hard day, and the afternoon had dissolved into an evening mashup of bickering, belligerent selfishness, snotty remarks, and defiant disobedience.

My husband wasn’t even home yet, since it was another long work day, and the eight kids and I were eating later than I had hoped. A sense of helpless discouragement over my inability to keep on time stabbed me mercilessly, even as the seething anger at my kids rose like an acidic heartburn.

“Everyone, sit down and be quiet!” I snapped, trying to quell the unending verbal antagonization.

As the kids settled into a sullen silence, with one last glare at siblings before closing their eyes for the blessing on the food, the ugliness of the hypocrisy was not lost on me.

How could we pray and ask God to bless our meal, our time together, when we were holding so much anger, hurt, and offense?

Unwilling and unable to pretend to God or my kids that everything was fine and carry on as usual, I declared:

“OK. We all need to apologize to God, and to each other for all the things we’ve done and said today.

We’ll each go around and pray, asking God to forgive us, and then we’ll ask the people we’ve wronged to forgive us.

I’ll go first.”

And I prayed out loud, telling God I was sorry for my impatience, my anger, my harsh words and my quickness to react when I needed to be calm. I asked Him to forgive me.

I then turned to the children I had been sharp and angry with, and asked them to forgive me as well.

Startled at the departure from our usual method of praying before a meal, my kids hesitatingly opened their eyes, looked into mine, and each told me they forgave me.

“Thank you,” I said. “Now, it’s your turn,” and pointing at the child sitting next to me, I indicated they needed to start talking.

And the amazing thing is… they did.

With the exception of the three-year-old, all seven older children first quietly prayed aloud, asking God to forgive them, and then spoke to the siblings they had offended, asking forgiveness for specific things they had said and done. Several of them apologized to me for various moments of “selective deafness” or snarky back talk.

All of them knew how they had wronged each other. All of them knew when it was they had done or said something hurtful.

Granted, we did have a few bumpy moments… One kid was suddenly struck with severe amnesia about the entire day, especially pertaining to their own behavior (too bad there were too many witnesses.) Eventually the memory was fully restored in an apparent miracle, with an acceptable apology stated at last.

There was also the child who, whenever someone else paused in their apology, would helpfully pipe up with a reminder of another item they should be sorry for as well.

But in spite of these little snags, by the time we had circled around to the last child, the tension and anger in the room had totally gone. Some kids had wept while apologizing, and the sincerely uttered “I’m sorry for…” statements had been accepted without hesitation by all the others. Often, when seeing the contrition in the one apologizing, the offended siblings would spontaneously jump up to rush around the table to give a comforting hug.

When I finally prayed to ask the blessing on the food, there was true peace and a softness in everyone’s face where there had been anger and hardness before. Genuine smiles and kindness lingered, even as we cleared the table and got ready for bed later.

It was an entirely changed atmosphere.

It scared me to think of how the evening might have turned out if I hadn’t said those three words: “I’ll go first.”

Sometimes, to bring back the softness, the repentance, the kindness, and the love – to repair relationships that have cracked or broken – it takes gritty humility to make that hard initial move and acknowledge our own wrongdoing FIRST.

Our kids and spouses and the people closest to us aren’t shocked by our imperfection. They relax in reassurance when we courageously apologize and admit our errors and wrongdoing, since it means that they, too, aren’t expected to be perfect.

They find comfort knowing there is humility and grace waiting to meet them when they share their own lackings and failings.

It takes a lot of strength and courage to lead in reconciliation and repentance. But the rewards are sweet and entirely worthwhile.

“I’ll go first.”

Will you?

God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.
Matthew 5:9 (NLT)

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Toenails & Why Your Life Counts: Finding Ultimate Worth

We are all called to great things. The real question is whether or not we understand what greatness means.

Because sometimes it might mean spending time cutting children’s nails.

Amy was a young woman who loved God and felt his call on her life to serve Him by traveling as a missionary to other countries. She believed strongly that she was to share the truth of the Bible, and her focus was mainly on reaching women (who were often ignored or socially restricted from interacting with male missionaries).

Her travels led her to India, where after traveling around in an ox-cart, evangelizing to women in villages with a small, devoted team, she eventually became aware of the prevalent practice of child prostitution in the temples (both young girls and boys). When a little girl escaped from a temple and fled for refuge to Amy’s home, the issue became personal.

Amy began working to free children from this terrible form of sexual slavery, and her efforts led to hundreds of children being freed, fed, clothed, housed, and educated at the orphanage and mission she founded.

No longer able to travel about evangelizing, she instead became “Amma” (Tamil for “mother”), and her newfound duties as a mother of many included that of “cutting the toe nails of a thousand children” (as her biography quotes*).

Amy Carmichael died today, January 18, in 1951, at the age of 83. She had worked in India as a missionary for 55 years without furlough. A law was passed outlawing temple prostitution for children about three years before her death.

The mission she founded still operates today.

She had traveled to India planning to work as a evangelist and focusing on teaching adults about the Gospel… and ended up cutting toenails and mothering a huge number of little children instead.

Would you say her life was wasted? Do you think she missed the mark of making an impact? Toenails seem like an insignificant task compared to preaching the gospel… but apparently not to God.

God had so clearly orchestrated the timing and work He brought her to be about that she cheerfully and joyfully submitted to His plan, His definition of great things.

Her faithfulness and deep humility give me such encouragement, especially in my current season of diapers, pots and pans, laundry, constant teaching, and yes, often cutting toenails.

What I am called to do right now as a homemaker, a wife, a mama, may not seem like high value in the eyes of the world, but I have no doubt it is exactly where I am supposed to be, and therefore I can trust that my God in His wisdom has decreed it to be worthwhile and significant.

And in that trust I can wake up each morning and know that my longing to live a life of worth and purpose is carried out by my faithfulness in serving and loving those around me to the best of my abilities, with the strength and joy He gives.

I fiercely believe this is true for you, too.

What have you been given to do in this season? Do you also fight the thoughts that sometimes come to tell you your efforts are meaningless and trivial, insignificant, worthless?

Here’s what the Bible says: Whatever you do, work at it with your whole being, for the Lord and not for men, because you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as your reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
(Colossians 3:23-24)

I find joy in remembering Amy and her work as “Amma” because it gives me renewed strength in my own often seemingly mundane and unimportant work . You can take heart knowing it applies to your work, too.

God sees you, sees your faithfulness, your efforts given in love and service. And He finds that to be of great value – regardless of your opinion or perspective, or anyone else’s. Keep on in your faithful work, my friend. Keep on walking each day in what you have been given to do!

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.
(Galatians 6:9, NLT)

Even if doing what is good is clipping the toenails of little children.

Maria

* Amy Carmichael: Beauty For Ashes, A Biography; Iain H. Murray, Banner of Truth Trust, Carlisle, PA (2015)

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Your Ultimate Life with God: An Invitation-Only Dance Party

In the middle of another family dance session. We bust out some pretty intense moves around here.

The other morning after breakfast, I turned on some upbeat music while I cleaned up the kitchen. The eight kids, initially scattered around the house, heard the tunes and almost like magic, all showed up in the living room and started a dance party.

Our living area is not large, so basically our family “dancing” together entails skipping, twirling, or stomping in a large chain around the sofa and coffee table in an unceasing loop. (Frequent interjections from a parent to slow down, stop running, no pushing past siblings, etc. are also usually a part of these dancing outbreaks – because sometimes competition is a factor.)

This is a pretty common occurrence in our home, and everyone usually has a good time… with a few minor caveats like the kid who inevitably bumps into the hearth or bookshelf, or the child who, in a contrary moment, decides to go the opposite way from everyone else – incurring the frustration and angry protests of the others. Or the youngest who trip on their long dress-up gowns and wail mournfully because the others just keep dancing over and around them. But in general, everyone enjoys themselves and the happy music helps uplift the general atmosphere in our home.

My husband happened to be home this particular morning and was still at the table finishing his coffee. One of our youngest daughters broke from the circle of happily dancing kids and skipped over to him.

Smiling joyously, dimples all showing, she looked up into his face with big excited eyes and cried, “Come dance with us, Daddy!” and reached out to grab his hand.

No one could have resisted such a sweet invitation, least of all her daddy.

And the next thing I knew, I was laughing helplessly over the kitchen sink while my husband spun and twirled in the living room surrounded by a swarm of utterly delighted children. He then unexpectedly jumped up on the middle of the coffee table for an intense air guitar session! The kids cheered wildly while still dancing all around.

Every little face was wreathed in a huge smile, each was laughing, each was moving exuberantly but also more thoughtfully of each other, and everyone’s pleasure in joyfully dancing together was greatly increased… because their daddy was there, too.

Tears came to my eyes, even through my laughter, as I watched this beautiful, happy family moment.

What if we deliberately invited our Father to dance with us each day, too?

We know He’s there, present, in control and able to take care of us, but what if we behaved like a little child and ran over to Him, smiled up at Him and asked Him to join in our small moments, the things we do, the everyday pieces of our life?

What would happen if we were so excited with the idea of having God be in the middle of everything with us that we behaved like it by asking Him to be present in each moment each day, because we truly believed He would make it better?

I think He would be thrilled to be invited into our days and hearts in this way.

The exuberance and hilarious joy my husband showed in this quick interlude of our family’s day was so precious to me because it illustrated something I firmly believe to be true about our Father – His presence will only add more joy, greater pleasure, deeper consideration for others, and increase our delight in Him and each other.

This is because this is the kind of Father He is.

In this year, I want to always remember to take a moment to break free from whatever it is I am caught up in, run over to my Father, grab His hand, look up into His face, and smilingly, trustingly, invite Him to come be with me in whatever comes.

He’s always in control, He’s always there, but I want to know the joy of dancing together with Him – today, and in every day, no matter what it brings.

Because where He is, my joy – and yours – is fullest.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:11, NLT

It’s as simple as a heart-whisper to Him, “Please come into this moment,” or “You are welcome here, now.”

The difference will be astonishing. Let’s not miss out on extending this invitation.

He’ll always say “Yes!”

– Maria

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How to Make Water Into Wine: 3 Steps to Joy

Look at these babies! (And I would do it again in a heartbeat.)

On this day, years ago, I once heard a sermon on the Wedding at Cana (John 2) which I have never forgotten. The pastor, a sweet-faced, white-haired gentleman, spoke sincerely and earnestly.

He was my grandfather, and I have always remembered this sermon because it was at my own wedding, nineteen years ago.

The story of the wedding at Cana is significant because it was the setting of Jesus’ first miracle. While attending a wedding feast with his disciples, Jesus becomes aware that the couple have underprepared and are about to run out of wine for their guests – an embarrassing and disgraceful predicament, for which there is no quick or cheap solution.

Jesus quietly tells the servants to fill six large stone jars nearby full of water – each able to hold twenty to thirty gallons – and then when they dip some out and take it to the MC to taste, it has become excellent wine. Only the servants know where the wine came from, and the celebration joyfully continues without interruption.

Like the couple married in Cana who ran out of wine for their wedding celebration, even the most prepared person will eventually run out of something in the relationships in their life.

We are imperfect, selfish and broken people, unable to maintain levels of altruistic, unconditional love and kindness for any significant length without needing to be refilled or renewed.

Pride, hurt, self-centeredness, distraction, laziness, or sometimes just exhaustion creep in and our first fiery, intense and purposeful strength begins to fade, slowly burn out, and trickle instead of pour.

Even if we try to refill the supply on our own, what we often find we have is just… water. Great for survival, perhaps, but not so much for celebration.

This is why we must invite Jesus into our lives, our marriages, and our relationships!

We need to seek His grace, trust His compassionate kindness, and ask for Him to step in and do something we cannot: transform our acts of duty, of faith, of slogging service into deeds done from love.

He comes and takes the water we have and transforms it into wine.

Something ordinary and draining like serving and caring for a husband, a wife, a sibling, a parent, a child, in the gritty, unfiltered, day-to-day scenarios of living life together becomes a beautiful, celebratory, joy-filling delight.

But this can happen only if:

1. We invite Him and welcome His presence. (Jesus didn’t party-crash. He was an invited guest.)

2. We admit our own lack and ask for His help in our need. (His mother noticed the problem and told Him about it, trusting that He could and would do something about it.)

3. We listen to His instructions and obey them quickly. (The servants didn’t balk at the strange request but chose to humbly obey, thereby earning the place of being witnesses of the Messiah’s first miracle.)

This is not some rose-colored, pie-in-the-sky pipe dream of wedded (or other relational) bliss worthy of any Hallmark movie.

This is the same miraculous, stunning alchemy that happened when water transformed to wine: Our daily lives filled with miscommunications, dirty diapers, burned pancakes and traffic lights can become times to celebrate and rejoice because Jesus is present.

God with us.

Immanuel.

It’s not just a word for a baby in a manger.

It’s for a loving Friend who comes into your home and touches your marriage with hope, joy, and fresh life when you are burning out and feeling empty.

It’s for a tender Father who holds your hurting bewildered heart when you don’t have the foggiest idea how to parent your child but He does.

It’s for a sweet freshness and renewed strength in carrying on with a work you’re bone-weary of walking in.

He can come. He wants to come! He knows our need. He can take our offered colorless normal and transform it into something intoxicating and delightful, rich and vibrant, worthy of a party.

Because if we are His followers, the life we live now should carry notes of the music in the Wedding Feast to come. We should be practicing the steps to dance now. We should be looking ahead with joyful anticipation of the celebration and the smiles of hope should be shining on our faces today.

He gives that joy – He IS that Joy. His Joy is our strength, and our water becomes wine in His presence.

Nineteen years ago I married my best friend. We invited Jesus to our wedding, and into our marriage. Despite our own brokenness and frequent failings, in His gracious kindness He meets us daily in our lack, and we celebrate our love because of His.

{To my faithful, courageous husband – I love you. Thank you for marrying me.}

Cheers!

Overnight Almond Breakfast Rolls – Make Your Mouth Happy!

(Bread machine version – see below for handmade instructions)

-Makes about 24 rolls, or more if you cut them thinner.

Delicious, fragrant, sweet, soft almond rolls are worth the little extra effort it takes! My family loves these overnight almond rolls so much, they have been requested for our Christmas morning breakfast for two years now. Maybe you might want to start your own Christmas Almond Roll tradition!

This batch makes a lot, so be prepared to give some away, or maybe halve the recipe if you’re cooking for a smaller crowd.

The sweet dough recipe is my go-to for everything from the traditional cinnamon rolls to raisin buns to Hot Cross Buns. I’ve adapted it from Peter Reinhart’s recipe in Artisan Breads Every Day. Try it – you’ll be a huge fan too!

Be sure to make your marzipan ahead of time so that it can be chilled before you use it.

– One recipe Sweet Roll Dough (see below)

– 1/3 cup butter, melted and divided into two equal portions

– 3/4 – 1 cup granulated sugar, divided into two equal portions

– 1 cup sliced or slivered almonds

– One recipe prepared and chilled Almond Marzipan (see below)

– Almond Glaze

– 1/4 cup (ish) sliced almonds, for sprinkling on top

Sweet Roll Dough:

INGREDIENTS:

2 cup + 2 Tbsp lukewarm whole or lowfat milk (about 95 degrees F)

2 tsp salt

6 Tbsp sugar

1/2 cup vegetable oil or melted butter

6 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

5 tsp instant yeast

DIRECTIONS:

– In your bread machine bucket (technical term), pour in the liquids: milk and oil, add the sugar and salt, stir gently with something non-metal. (I don’t want you to scratch the non-stick lining of your bread machine bucket.)

– Add the flour, then the yeast on the very top.

– Turn the bread machine to the dough setting and punch that button! Then go do something else for a bit (my dough setting is an hour and a half).

For Handmade/Mixer Sweet Dough Recipe, follow these instructions:

To make the dough, combine the flour, salt, and sugar in a mixing bowl. Whisk the yeast into the milk until dissolved, and then pour the mixture into the dry ingredients, along with the oil. If using a mixer, use the paddle attachment and mix on the lowest speed for 30 seconds to 1 minute. If mixing by hand, use a large wooden spoon and stir about 1 minute. The dough should form a soft, coarse ball.

Switch to the dough hook and mix on med- low speed or by hand for 4 minutes, adding flour or milk as needed to create a smooth, soft, slightly sticky ball of dough.

Increase the speed to medium or stir by hand 2 minutes more, until the dough is soft, supple, and tacky but not sticky.

Transfer the ball of dough to a lightly floured surface and knead 1 minute, then form into a ball. Place the dough in a clean, lightly oiled bowl large enough to hold the dough when it doubles in size. Cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight or for up to four days.

On Baking Day
Remove the dough from the fridge about 3 hours before you plan to bake. Divide the dough in half and form each piece into a ball. Cover each ball with a bowl or plastic wrap and let rest 20 minutes. Proceed with recipe as directed.

And now, back to our usual program (the directions):

– When it’s ready, tip the dough out onto a lightly greased surface (I use my dining room table), divide in two with a sharp knife and roll out into a 12×15″ rectangle. If dough starts to resist or shrink back, let it rest for a minute, then continue rolling. Dough should be between 1/4″ and 1/2″ thick.

-Using about 1/4 cup of the melted butter, spread evenly on dough rectangle, leaving length of the bottom inch bare and butter-free (so that it will stick to the rest of the dough when it’s rolled up).

– Sprinkle about 1/2 cup or so of sugar lightly over melted butter, again avoiding bottom inch.

– Using the prepared and chilled marzipan, slice long wedges off the log, then roll them thinly using a rolling pin. This works most easily with cold marzipan, and it will become more sticky and difficult to roll the warmer it gets, so work quickly!

– Taking the thin marzipan strips, break or cut them into large pieces and place evenly over melted butter and sprinkled sugar.

– Sprinkle slivered or sliced almonds evenly over marzipan.

– Beginning from top, begin gently rolling dough down over filling in a tight roll, carefully keeping roll even and gently sealing ends by pinching. When you reach the bottom edge of dough, help roll keep shape by gently pinching the edge to the dough underneath.

– With serrated knife, carefully slice 1 1/4″ slices (or thicker, if you like) and place on greased baking sheet (I use sided 11×17″ baking sheets – but remember to use what will fit inside your fridge!). If they seem sticky, lightly spray rolls with oil and then gently cover with plastic wrap and place in fridge overnight.

– Repeat with second half of dough.

In the Morning:

– Take rolls out of fridge, uncover, and let sit on counter while you preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

– Bake rolls for about 13-15 mins, but not much longer (or they get dry), unless they were quite large. Rolls should be turning a light gold on top and a little on sides.

– Remove and let cool slightly before icing with Almond Glaze while warm. Sprinkle on a few more sliced almonds before icing sets.

Almond Marzipan:

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 cup plus 1 Tbsp finely ground almond flour

9 Tbsp powdered sugar

1 1/2 Tbsp corn syrup

1/2 tsp almond extract

1/2 tsp rose water – food grade (optional)

DIRECTIONS:

– In a medium bowl, mix all ingredients till dough is smooth and holds together, forming a ball. If it’s too dry, add a tiny bit more corn syrup. Only add just the littlest smidge till it forms a thick dough. If it is too sticky, add a little more almond flour.

– Tip out marzipan ball and knead on a clean surface for about 30 seconds. Shape into a log, wrap it in plastic wrap, and refrigerate till it firms up.

– Marzipan can be stored in the refrigerator for up to 2-3 weeks, or up to 3 months in the freezer (wrap and bag it well!).

Almond Glaze

1/4 cup melted butter

2 cups powdered sugar (more if needed)

dash salt

1 tsp almond extract

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2-3 Tbsp milk, more as needed to achieve desired drizzling consistency

– Mix all ingredients till smooth. Taste, adjust as needed (More salt? More almond extract? More powdered sugar? More milk?). Drizzle (or spread) over almond rolls.

ENJOY.

If you try these, let me know how they turn out for you!

– Maria

How to Make Your Meal Plan a Monthly Success!

(Confessions of a Mama of 8)

Stress, frustration, tears, and woe: this was my frequent reality at dinner time because food wasn’t ready, my people were crying from hangriness and low-blood sugar, and I was trying to fight through a new recipe. With meat that wasn’t thawed yet because I had forgotten to plan ahead.

If any of this rings a bell with you, read on!

I never used to meal plan until this past year. In fact, I’ve been trying to figure out a meal planning method that actually worked for my life (feeding 10 people daily, wide-range of cuisines we love, lots of littles, a couple picky-eaters) that I could maintain.

It is with great joy I now share with you the successful method I have found, hoping you find some helpful ideas too! Adapt and modify it as you need for your own life. This is supposed to lessen your stress, not increase it.

1. Schedule about 30 minutes to meal plan for the first time (this is only because of the extra time making the Menu Guide List that you will use each time thereafter). After this first time, it should be relatively faster – more like 15 mins, or less!

2. Assess your current season of life. Be very honest. Do you have infants, young children, erratic schedules, late night commitments, or heavy workloads?

Do you deal with special food requirements due to allergies/sensitivities, or super picky people? Is it easy for you to get to the store/get groceries or will you be trying to use produce or food you raised or already have a lot of?

Is it cold outside (scheduling soups, stews, chilis, etc) or warm (planning salads, outdoor grilling, lighter fare)? What do you have on hand in your pantry/freezer?

3. Make your Menu Guide List, keeping your current season and what you already have on hand in mind. This means simplify and go for maximum efficiency over fancy or complicated meals.

Try to get at least 10-15 regular meals that you and your family eat and generally enjoy. Ask your children for their suggestions and input, if you want (I do – it helps me remember meals I forget about, and also lets them feel involved and less likely to complain about what’s planned!)

Some friends I have use a smaller number of repeating meals. I tend to go bigger – often using up to 20 meals. Make this list ideal for you, and keep it in a place you can reference often!

*UPDATE your Menu Guide List as your life/schedule/the weather changes. Be honest about meals that just aren’t working well for you anymore, and need either updating or replacing.

An important category to include on your Menu Guide List is your Hero Meals! These are the 3-4 meals that you can make quickly or easily that are generally well-liked by a majority of your family, which you always have ingredients for, that you can make without stress. If it’s something that you find easy and enjoyable, put it on the list. Try to get at least 3. And find a cape to wear when you make them – one of our favorites are these amazing baked hamburgers!

4. Find a calendar format you want to use (Google calendar, a paper calendar, a monthly planner, your phone, whatever you find works well for you), and note the days that already have appointments or commitments – anything that will impact your time to prepare an evening meal.

5. Begin putting in your Hero meals on the days that will contain the highest stress-level or the shortest available prep-time.

6. Fill in any days that are “Family Tradition” meal days – like Taco Tuesdays, or Pizza Fridays, or Leftover Mondays… whatever it is that you routinely make or eat on a specific day, write those in! Our Friday tradition is this amazing al fresco-style supper!

7. Plug in the meals from your Menu Guide List on the rest of the days, trying to keep a rational flow – For example, if you’re having a roast on one night and you know you’ll have leftovers, plan a basic stew or nachos with the leftover meat within a day or two afterwards.

CONGRATULATIONS! You did it! An entire month of meals planned and suddenly you’re feeling empowered and positive about the weeks to come because you know that you have a plan in place!

A few final important notes:
– Always have a “Magic Hat Meal” or two as a backup, for emergencies or unexpected life happenings. These are the freezer-to-table-type meals that can be prepped in 30 mins or less (for example, chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, frozen pizza, frozen potstickers, jarred spaghetti sauce and a box of pasta, pancake mix…).

Because life happens and sometimes we all just need to grab something from the freezer or pantry that will feed our family with the minimum amount of effort. Like pulling it from a magic hat.

– Thaw meat often and early. Always have something in the fridge that is thawing or ready to cook. Look ahead at the next few days on your plan and pull out whatever it is you will need and put in a pan in your fridge. Why the pan? Because thawing = leakage. Ask me how I know this.

– Tweak or ditch the plan if you need to. It’s just a plan! You can always go back to it as written the next day. The plan was made for you, and not the other way around. So give yourself grace and hold it all with open hands. You got this!

I’d love to know what you think – so please connect with me and give me your thoughts and any suggestions you might have as well! Let me know what you and your family do that works for you! Please share this post on your social media if you found it helpful, thanks!

How to Impact the World Forever: Purposeful Parenting Now!

Your child is an eternal soul in a transient body.

Pardon my bluntness, but from what I understand, as a human, there is a 100% chance of death.

This may seem like a grim thought, but it really needs to be considered. Because how else will we decide how to live, how to spend the life we have been given, if we do not first understand that we only have it for a relatively brief span of time?

How else would we recognize the immense precious worth of the moments we have been given now to impact not only our children, but through them, their children and children’s children?

A common current way of thinking is to work to establish a ‘kingdom’ in one’s own lifetime, of things, money, and a reputation that will bring a sense of success or value while one is alive. But a far more reasonable and worthwhile mentality is that, while recognizing our own mortality, we deliberately aim to produce value and lasting impact for when we are no longer here.

The best way to do this is to invest in our children’s character and relationship with their Creator-King.

As immortal souls, they truly will be one lasting thing that we will have had the privilege of helping create while on earth. Businesses may close, wealth may be spent and pass to others, reputation and significance will fade. But to impact another person’s character – to help imprint them and shift them from one aspect into something different – that is to bear the weight of co-creation, in a way. It’s working to build up a Kingdom that is going to last through eternity – God’s Kingdom.

That God has seen fit to allow such a flawed and imperfect person as myself the exquisite honor of using my time and efforts to guide my eight young children’s minds and hearts on a path that leads towards Him is something truly incredible. How I choose to steward my time with them impacts their minds, hearts, and lives. I have the opportunity to shape these eight little people like no other human will.

So how am I using this season I am assigned to this work? How are you using the time you have?

Once we recognize our limited time given for this task, not only because we are all mortal, but because there is only a relatively short span when we have the undivided attention and respect of our children when they are young, parenting becomes (rightfully) something we should look at with seriousness and earnestness.

And probably a little something akin to a holy panic.

Because how in the world are we actually supposed to do this?!?

Exactly.

Again to be quite blunt: We’re not. Our job is to enable God to do His in the hearts and minds of our children, while allowing Him full authority over our own.

We are to be the under-gardeners. The under-shepherds. The teaching assistants, the mentors, the stewards, the butlers and housekeepers. None of it is truly ours to hold in the first place.

It all belongs to the Great Overseer of our souls, our Good Shepherd, our Teacher, Master Gardener, High King and Lord of all. We can find comfort knowing that our children are ultimately not our responsibility, but our Father’s.

He is the One who will plant the seeds – we are to help keep the soil soft and as weed-free as we can, watering and fertilizing, building fences and staying vigilant to keep marauders and pests out.

He is the One who the sheep listen to – we are to help guard the lambs and teach them to know His voice and follow Him quickly to find life-giving food, clear water, and nurturing care.

He is the Teacher – we are to help with the lessons and homework He gives, provide encouragement and pointers during hard tests, and cheer and congratulate when successful learning takes place.

And in that knowledge, we can find the galvanizing reality that we will answer to Him for how we have spent our time with the littles in our charge, whether they be our own children or anyone in need of guidance and discipleship that He has brought into our lives in the season we’re in now.

He has chosen each of us specifically for good works that He has planned out for us before time began (Ephesians 2:10). So, we can find the strength, hope, wisdom, love, and courage to walk in those works only as we daily seek direction and help from our Father.

And the main source of direction and help that He has lovingly provided for us: His Holy Word. Click to read my article on Why a Bible-Shaped Life is Vitally Important to Any Parent.

There is a saying that God has no grandchildren. Our faith is ours, and our children must grow and develop their own faith-relationship with Him. Our job, then, is to enable and encourage and guide that relationship, not to try to be a representative or surrogate for them to God. It would perhaps be more accurate to say that God wants you to represent Him to your children!

We should disciple and teach our children while holding the idea that eventually they will become mature adults and followers of Christ – and as such, will become our brothers and sisters in God’s kingdom. This means we should behave toward them with the respect, kindness, and grace we would give others outside our family, and not grow careless or lazy in how we treat or train our children, even when they are young.

“Who then is adequate for such a task as this?” (2 Corinthians 2:16). As stunning and overwhelming as it may seem, if you are a parent or a caregiver of young children, God has chosen you to carry out this awesome task. And He promises to give you everything you need for it:

“And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”
(2 Corinthians 9:8, NIV)

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” (2 Corinthians 4:7, NLT, emphasis mine)

Our children don’t need us to be perfect. They already know we’re not. They just need us to keep shining out the Light through our broken places so that they can see the path toward our perfect God for themselves.

And the brighter the better.

We are not promised tomorrow. Let’s make the most of the time we have today.

Make a commitment to yourself and to God today to be the parent He has called you to be. Pray and commit yourself and your kids to Him entirely. Want extra accountability? I would love to hear your story! Send me a reply, and I will read it and pray for you. Parenting is a high and challenging calling, my friend.

You do not have to walk it alone.

With you in this!

Maria

(To connect to the companion article that shows how a Biblically-based life is foundational to raising children who walk with God, click to read Why a Bible-Shaped Life is Vitally Important to Any Parent!)

How can you get these beautiful printable parenting reminder cards? *[In both English and Spanish!]*
I’ll send them to you – free – in your email! Sign up below or in the toolbar on the right and I’ll get them to you ASAP!

Surprise! How to Look at Teaching Anything in Life

Have you ever noticed how sometimes you think you know something, but then you have to explain it or teach it to someone else, and as you do, that’s when you realize that it is suddenly clear to you for truly the first time?

For me it’s like a shot of excitement and even adrenaline as I experience the joy of learning. My kids sometimes just stare at me as I get enthusiastic and start waving my arms around, coming up with all kinds of (sometimes kooky) metaphors and analogies to get them as excited as I am.
(I guess I’m making it clear that I am a total nerd. Often.)

The act of teaching it to someone else helped me learn! I’ve read that this is a common experience.

I think this is why God often allows our life to hold other people who need to learn something from us. Whether it’s our children, our younger siblings, our colleagues, or our clients, He’s graciously giving us the opportunity to learn something well by needing to teach it to others.

In my life I am constantly humbled by how little I know – but because I am constantly parenting my kids, I am (usually) thrilled to find I have the opportunity to learn things alongside my kids each day!

For me I find these learning moments often come during our family devotional or Scripture-reading times, or when I’m expounding on some theological truth to my children – and I’m overcome with tears because an aspect of God’s goodness or beauty suddenly became clarified to me.

These are moments of God’s grace. This experience is like a little love-note from my Father, who never gives up on me and who knows exactly what I need, every single day.

I’ve decided, in fact, that pretty much every time my family has a devotional or reads the Bible together, it seems that God is more interested in changing my heart and helping me learn something from His Word than about me making sure my children understand each theological nuance.

And maybe that’s what’s important.
Teaching may really be about learning.

I’m going to be in a better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually if I’m staying humble and listening to MY Father. I appear to teach better – in no matter what sphere of influence – when I’m also an eager and listening student.

So what are the places in your life where you have been given the role of teacher? And have you found, too, that often those are the areas where you can be startled by discovering your own learning growth, even as you teach?

I challenge you to ask God for a humble, learning heart. Give Him the permission to surprise you with a fresh discovery and brilliant illumination in a place in life or a topic you already thought you knew with your eyes closed.

The revelations come like a sting of joy. And it’s worth every ounce of the humble courage it takes to receive them with open hands and gratitude.

I’m so excited for us both as we continue to grow and learn and delight in fresh discoveries!

What’s something you learned recently that was surprising and unexpected in a good way?

Send me your response and let me know! Also, if you haven’t yet, sign up for your free set of 5 Parenting Reminder Cards printable and I’ll get those sent to you ASAP!

– Cheering you on in this!

Maria

How to Make Writing for K-3rd Grade Painless & Efficient!

I totally just requisitioned the little whiteboards someone gave my kids and use them for school days. Yep, shameless. But efficient. They can have them back when I’m done, OK?

So here’s the thing.

I have a lot of kids. And not a lot of space.

There are currently six children in varying grades homeschooling here, not counting the two toddlers who are doing their own thing. (Mostly flooding the bathroom or dumping out beads or decorating the window sills with markers they unlawfully swiped, or teasing each other till they both scream. But I digress.)

So we do most of our homeschool on the kitchen table, all clumped together, because it’s the best place with a flat surface that’s moderately clean. The toddlers often join us, with coloring books and crayons.

Although, as I write this, it occurs to me that actually the majority of my true teaching time is spent next to a child on the floor… hmm.

Anyway.

Because of these two things (lots of kids, not lots of space), the most streamlined and efficient way for me to teach is to try to get the most kids I can learning from the same textbook AT THE SAME TIME, and adjust the lesson as needed for varying ages/grades/abilities.

Sort of like a one-room schoolhouse approach. Or “Clump and Conquer”, as I like to think. (It’s the large-family better half of divide and conquer!)

Here’s how it works for writing in my house:

I take this wonderful writing workbook by Susan Wise Bauer:

and I use it as a source text for several different kids at the same time, because it’s so easily adaptable! It can be found on Amazon for a little over $25 dollars new, or less if you purchase used (see here for Amazon purchasing options).

Each week is broken up into only four different work days, alternating copy work and narration. This is great if you need a break day, or if you need a day to catch up.

For copy work days, I first copy out the two sentences given in the workbook on a small whiteboard. We briefly go over the point of the lesson for that day – for example, capitalizing proper nouns – and then I have the kids tell me where examples of those are in the sentences.

Once it’s clear that each child grasps the concept taught that day, they copy one or both of the sentences in a notebook (I use the composition-type notebooks). I check for letter form and spelling, encouraging or correcting as needed, and then they’re done for the day.

Narration days include reading a short selection in the workbook, usually from a classic children’s book, and then I ask a series of questions (also in the workbook), to train the children to listen carefully and thoughtfully. They must answer in complete sentences (there are example answers given in the workbook), and then at the end, they each answer the question, “What is something you remember from the passage?” I write down the (complete sentence) answer from each child on the white board. Each child can copy their own sentence (or everyone’s, if they want!).

It’s amazing how much more fun and interesting writing can be if you’re writing down your own created sentence! My kids surprise me often by how interesting, long, and varied their sentences are. Then they cheerily write them down in their notebooks.

Quick side note: My older children write in cursive, my youngers in print.I provide handwriting/penmanship workbooks to each of my children to supplement their schooling. I think training them in cursive is a great discipline for hand-eye coordination as well as helping increase patience, control, dexterity, and memory/increased retention in learning. For more info, check out this article here.

The lessons are simple, short, and completely achievable, usually less than 15 minutes.

The reading selections are usually quite interesting and have stimulated my children’s curiosity and interest in many other books (requiring more trips to the library, or great birthday/Christmas gift ideas!).

I love that they are getting a dose of Language Arts, grammar, penmanship, spelling, reading comprehension, and exposure to great classic literature all at the same time, across varying grade levels, while all together at the table.

This model is so simple that after using the workbook (it is designed for use by one child, with blank lined spaces for the writing corresponding to each lesson in the back, but I obviously put my own spin on it based on my family’s needs), you could easily design your own simple daily “writing class” using material taken from your family’s favorite stories and classic books.

Efficient, comprehensive, painless – just how I wish all the rest of homeschooling was more often!

Did you enjoy writing as a child? What about now?

You’re doing an amazing work in teaching your children, and you should be proud of yourself!

Cheering you on!

– Maria

If this post was helpful or encouraging to you, please share it on your social media, and let me know – I’ll be delighted and pleased! (Thank you!)

HOW TO MAKE SPACE FOR READING WITH YOUR KIDS

1. Plan for reading time – and protect it.

One of the best ways I have found to stir up interest and excitement in reading in my home is to take 10-15 minutes a day and read a great story out loud to my kids. If the chapters are long, I simply watch for a good stopping point somewhere in my time frame.

I pick an interesting story that will catch their interest, and then guard my reading time with them as I would an important appointment.

2. Be creative with when and how you read!

One time we often read is at lunch or breakfast while my kids are eating. (I eat quickly beforehand.) Or we read at the beginning of our school day, after our initial prayer-and-morning-huddle time. This reading is the fun, adventurous chapter-book kind of story.

I also read a short devotional book most nights – I think it’s important to help my children have something that will help turn their thoughts toward God before sleep (a family favorite is “Stories to Share“, by Patricia St. John – full of interesting short stories that create opportunity for thoughtful, deep, and precious conversations!).

Another way to keep reading time is to turn on an audio book during coloring or art time – we have listened through several of the Chronicles of Narnia books in this way when I was dealing with a bad cold and my voice was too hoarse for reading aloud.

One of my dear friends used to read to her older children while she was nursing the baby. She was sitting down and unable to move for that amount of time anyway, and her children loved getting some of mama’s love and attention during those days when the baby took a lot of energy!

3. Intentionally create space for books and comfy places to read.

Clear out toys that are lesser-used or outgrown, and place a sturdy yet pretty basket or bin for books from the library. Designate a corner as “the Reading Corner” and collect floor cushions, a small bean bag, a cozy blanket, and a short bookshelf or two! (Make sure there’s enough light!)

One of my husband’s fondest memories as a child was one of his elementary teacher’s classroom: It had a large bathtub filled with pillows, and was dubbed “The Reading Tub”. Students who earned enough points won the privilege of “Time in the Tub” – and it was a greatly coveted activity!

(What a brilliant teacher, right?)

What can you do in your home and life to make reading fun, exciting, and easily accomplished? You don’t have to put a tub in your living room (unless you really want to!), but any cozy place that feels quiet and safe, designated for reading and books, will be appreciated and used.

4. Have your children make a list

My kids create “wish lists” of topics they are interested in, then I search online at our library for books on those topics. When the books come in, all the kids are so excited to go with me to pick them up at the curbside delivery at our local library! It’s like receiving a happy package in the mail!

Be observant. Listen and watch your kids as you read other books, as you watch films, as you listen to conversations.

What interests them? What creates questions that they ask? That is likely a great place to start with book ideas. A section on Japan in my son’s history book created an interest in ninjas. Another chapter triggered much research on Charlemagne – all additional reading which was not part of his assigned school work. But because he was interested – it was fun!

5. Encourage reading through example!

Excitement about learning is more often caught than taught. Your young child will naturally imitate what they see most modeled by you. So if you want them to love books and reading and learning… guess what you need to show them is important to you?

Children will hear what you say but will more likely copy what you do. To create space for reading in your home, you as a parent need to first create space for reading in your own life.

Set a timer and read for 10 minutes a day for yourself. Or start with just 5! You will be amazed at how many books you can get through in a year. And you will be feeding your own heart and mind with new ideas, interesting information, and great thoughts.

And a quick little bonus point:

LIMIT SCREEN TIME.

The more that your children are in front of a screen with moving pictures, the less reading they will actually do. And the screen will also limit how much they feel like reading. (This is true for you too, my friend.)

So I set a limited time for screens in our home – because there is an incredibly interesting connection that happens between increase of screentime and increase of bad attitudes, whining, bickering, boredom, and disobedience. But maybe that’s just my punks.

Which of the ideas above are you going to choose to start putting into practice in your home and family? I’d love to hear which one struck you most!

And if this post was helpful or encouraging to you, would you please share it on your social media pages? Thank you so much!

– Maria

– Next up: How I Homeschool: Writing for K-3rd Grade