Tag: Discipling

How to Impact the World Forever: Purposeful Parenting Now!

Your child is an eternal soul in a transient body.

Pardon my bluntness, but from what I understand, as a human, there is a 100% chance of death.

This may seem like a grim thought, but it really needs to be considered. Because how else will we decide how to live, how to spend the life we have been given, if we do not first understand that we only have it for a relatively brief span of time? 

How else would we recognize the immense precious worth of the moments we have been given now to impact not only our children, but through them, their children and children’s children?

A common current way of thinking is to work to establish a ‘kingdom’ in one’s own lifetime, of things, money, and a reputation that will bring a sense of success or value while one is alive. But a far more reasonable and worthwhile mentality is that, while recognizing our own mortality, we deliberately aim to produce value and lasting impact for when we are no longer here.

The best way to do this is to invest in our children’s character and relationship with their Creator-King.

As immortal souls, they truly will be one lasting thing that we will have had the privilege of helping create while on earth. Businesses may close, wealth may be spent and pass to others, reputation and significance will fade. But to impact another person’s character – to help imprint them and shift them from one aspect into something different – that is to bear the weight of co-creation, in a way. It’s working to build up a Kingdom that is going to last through eternity – God’s Kingdom.

That God has seen fit to allow such a flawed and imperfect person as myself the exquisite honor of using my time and efforts to guide my eight young children’s minds and hearts on a path that leads towards Him is something truly incredible. How I choose to steward my time with them impacts their minds, hearts, and lives. I have the opportunity to shape these eight little people like no other human will.

So how am I using this season I am assigned to this work?  How are you using the time you have?

Once we recognize our limited time given for this task, not only because we are all mortal, but because there is only a relatively short span when we have the undivided attention and respect of our children when they are young, parenting becomes (rightfully) something we should look at with seriousness and earnestness.

And probably a little something akin to a holy panic.

Because how in the world are we actually supposed to do this?!?

Exactly.

Again to be quite blunt: We’re not. Our job is to enable God to do His in the hearts and minds of our children, while allowing Him full authority over our own.

We are to be the under-gardeners. The under-shepherds. The teaching assistants, the mentors, the stewards, the butlers and housekeepers. None of it is truly ours to hold in the first place.

It all belongs to the Great Overseer of our souls, our Good Shepherd, our Teacher, Master Gardener, High King and Lord of all. We can find comfort knowing that our children are ultimately not our responsibility, but our Father’s.

He is the One who will plant the seeds – we are to help keep the soil soft and as weed-free as we can, watering and fertilizing, building fences and staying vigilant to keep marauders and pests out.

He is the One who the sheep listen to – we are to help guard the lambs and teach them to know His voice and follow Him quickly to find life-giving food, clear water, and nurturing care.

He is the Teacher – we are to help with the lessons and homework He gives, provide encouragement and pointers during hard tests, and cheer and congratulate when successful learning takes place.

And in that knowledge, we can find the galvanizing reality that we will answer to Him for how we have spent our time with the littles in our charge, whether they be our own children or anyone in need of guidance and discipleship that He has brought into our lives in the season we’re in now.

He has chosen each of us specifically for good works that He has planned out for us before time began (Ephesians 2:10). So, we can find the strength, hope, wisdom, love, and courage to walk in those works only as we daily seek direction and help from our Father.

And the main source of direction and help that He has lovingly provided for us: His Holy Word. Click to read my article on Why a Bible-Shaped Life is Vitally Important to Any Parent.

There is a saying that God has no grandchildren. Our faith is ours, and our children must grow and develop their own faith-relationship with Him. Our job, then, is to enable and encourage and guide that relationship, not to try to be a representative or surrogate for them to God. It would perhaps be more accurate to say that God wants you to represent Him to your children!

We should disciple and teach our children while holding the idea that eventually they will become mature adults and followers of Christ – and as such, will become our brothers and sisters in God’s kingdom. This means we should behave toward them with the respect, kindness, and grace we would give others outside our family, and not grow careless or lazy in how we treat or train our children, even when they are young.

“Who then is adequate for such a task as this?” (2 Corinthians 2:16). As stunning and overwhelming as it may seem, if you are a parent or a caregiver of young children, God has chosen you to carry out this awesome task. And He promises to give you everything you need for it:

“And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”

(2 Corinthians 9:8, NIV)

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” (2 Corinthians 4:7, NLT, emphasis mine)

Our children don’t need us to be perfect. They already know we’re not. They just need us to keep shining out the Light through our broken places so that they can see the path toward our perfect God for themselves.

And the brighter the better.

We are not promised tomorrow. Let’s make the most of the time we have today.

Make a commitment to yourself and to God today to be the parent He has called you to be. Pray and commit yourself and your kids to Him entirely. Want extra accountability? I would love to hear your story! Send me a reply, and I will read it and pray for you. Parenting is a high and challenging calling, my friend.

You do not have to walk it alone.

With you in this!

Maria

(To connect to the companion article that shows how a Biblically-based life is foundational to raising children who walk with God, click to read Why a Bible-Shaped Life is Vitally Important to Any Parent!)

How can you get these beautiful printable parenting reminder cards? [In both English and Spanish!]
I’ll send them to you – free – in your email! Sign up below or in the toolbar on the right and I’ll get them to you ASAP!

How I Make Back-Talk Back Down (Parenting in Real Life)

3 Things I Do to Take on Back-Talk

– Confessions from a Mama of Many

Talking back, back-talk – it should be some kind of clever palindrome. In reality it’s aggravating, exhausting, and bewildering behavior from one’s children as they verbally challenge whatever it was their parent (usually me, the mom) just stated, requested, or commanded.

I have discovered that if not dealt with decisively and quickly, talking back becomes a long, ingrained habit that only deepens and solidifies its hold in interactions between me and my children, leaving me angry, defensive and (if I’m being honest) somewhat resentful.

I am in the trenches of this draining aspect of parenting, as I often face it daily from at least one (or more!) of my eight children.

(Side note: If any of you know of an amazingly immediate and certain method to eradicate back-talk completely, please share it with the rest of us!) 

Meanwhile, without taking this one on directly, my children seemingly become unable to obey without a major negotiation and a round-table discussion first, as if they were my equals.

Please note, I am not someone who endorses a “seen but not heard” approach to parenting, and I truly long to raise children who feel valued, respected, and cherished. I am delighted by my children showing confidence and independence in appropriate ways. What I am not in favor of is when my young, immature child feels entitled to question my direction, challenge my authority, or seek to amend my parenting in some way. It simply is not their place.

As a parent, I have been given authority over my children by God. Not only has He instituted the family unit as the ideal basis for raising and training children to adulthood, His Word makes it clear that the parents are unequivocally in charge – regardless of whether or not they are perfectly wise, even-tempered, or even right (gasp!).

So long as the parent is doing their best to humbly pursue God and lead their family in righteousness, the children are told to “Obey [their] parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1)

By my children learning to grow up under my authority and cheerfully obey me and their dad, they are learning cheerful obedience and submission to God. This is one of the main purposes of parenting: discipling children to become disciples of God. By actively, intentionally training them to respond to parents in respectful obedience, regardless of their feelings on the subject, I am laying down a solid foundation for a healthy relationship of joyful obedience with their Eternal Father.

Remembering this helps me recognize that when my young children are challenging my authority, they’re actually rebelling against a governance that God put in place, and as such, this is a serious concern that warrants time and effort to correct.

Here’s What I Do to Take on Back-Talk:

1. First, I tackle the area of the problem which I have complete control over: ME.

I pray for God to show me what it is that needs to change in my own heart and mind.

Is there anything on my part that is adding to the problem when my children are challenging my authority and direction?

Am I reacting from fear or insecurity, not wanting to be seen as rigid and domineering? Am I coping poorly from tiredness or lack of energy from not getting enough sleep? Am I being negligent from laziness or unwillingness to cope with the effort and time it will take to address and retrain my children?

Is it something else?

I pray so that I can humbly ask for help and listen – the Holy Spirit knows exactly what my specific area of trouble is, I just need to be open and accepting of His diagnosis. (There may be a situation where I am not in error, but this, sadly, is not usually the case as I often discover there is something skewed with me before even starting to address the kids’ side of the issue.)

Then I repent and ask for strength, wisdom, and obedience to correct the issue: What do I need to shift in my thinking and speaking? Do I need to change my habits and go to bed earlier so I am better rested? What is it that is coming to my mind that I should put down (my phone) or pick up (the Bible, communication with my husband or a friend to hold me accountable)? And, sometimes the most convicting question: How do I speak to my husband and children? Am I demonstrating respect and using kind, courteous speech to them?

2. I plan ahead.

I decide before I am involved in a back-talk conflict what steps I will take to respond and correct. That way when it actually goes down I have a plan and am better able to stay calm and collected, rather than stressed and reactive.

Any ongoing challenges will be met with a consequence, moving of course from a gradual, small scale to larger, more significant consequences. The most important part is not the size of the consequence, but that there is one without me becoming angry or engaging as my child’s equal. I am demonstrating that the behavior they chose to exhibit is not permitted and will be met with negative feedback.

3. I have a family meeting for a general overview, and a one-on-one conversation with the main offender(s).

In the meeting, I remind the child(ren) of the family policy on back talk and why it’s not allowed in our home. I point out that God has placed parents over children until they are able to be responsible for themselves, and that talking back is challenging this authority. It is disrespectful to parents and it is disrespectful to God. Should they choose to pursue this way of communicating, there will be consequences.

I do, however, provide an opportunity for them to present their opinion or alternate idea in a respectful, honoring way: They may politely ask for a compromise. If the situation is appropriate and I am able, I consider their request. By recognizing that it is still ultimately my decision, I have more flexibility to include my children’s input without feeling like my authority is undermined. This way my children also feel heard and their opinions honored.  And sometimes the things my kids suggest are quite brilliant!

For a quick overview:

1. I deal with my own heart and attitudes first, bringing them to God.

2. I make a plan when I am not emotionally compromised.

3. I communicate clearly and respectfully.

Finally, even if it goes without saying, I pray for my children (and me!) to have soft, teachable hearts. I firmly believe that parenting is really about being parented – as a child of God, I need to check to see that I am also demonstrating the humble, joyful obedience to my Father that I long to see in my children.

May your heart be encouraged and strengthened today as you do the good work of discipling your littles to be disciples of Christ. “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” (Galatians 6:9, NLT)