Discipling Children – EAST WILLOW PLACE

How to Find New Hope in Homeschooling Your Child

I Was Ready to Quit Homeschooling – Then I Read This Book

“I want to quit.” I said to my husband, grimly blinking back tears. “I hate homeschooling.”

Shoulders hunched in defeat, brow furrowed with frustration, heart full of self-reproach, I was not only on the struggle-bus, I was driving it. Off a cliff.

Homeschooling a slew of kids (I have eight – at the time of this story, my youngest was an infant, my oldest was ten) while also managing a busy home with a baby and two toddlers was slowly but surely burying me under a crushing load of my own expectations, along with all the dirty laundry, dishes, diapers, and dinners.

We had always wanted to homeschool – before we even had kids we had planned to homeschool.

We always had homeschooled, from when my tribe only consisted of two tiny girls who were excited by reading lessons and practicing writing letters and numbers, all the way through growing from those two kids to eight altogether.

But now?

I wept in utter discouragement and exhaustion to my husband at night: “I just don’t think I’m doing this right. I don’t think I know how to do this. I can’t keep up. I think I’m not teaching them enough. I’m not doing enough. I don’t think I’m good enough to be their teacher. I can’t even keep up with the laundry!”

He quietly listened, held me, and then, a couple days later, he gave me an incredible gift: Homeschool Bravely, by Jamie Erickson, herself a former elementary teacher, and a homeschool mama of five.

I had never heard of it.

I read through the chapters carefully, slowly, often with tears of relief and comfort at the encouragement, understanding, and gentle wisdom I found.

This woman understood the struggle I was in. She addressed so many of the situations and questions I struggled with while giving so much grace for each family’s unique situation and personality.

I read and reread parts when I was gritty with frustration and discouragement, each time finding hope and courage to keep going.

The best part?

I was reminded of why I was doing this in the first place – It refreshed my heart and renewed my purpose. And I was set free from the guilt and burden of my own heavy expectations that were not something I should have picked up in the first place.

Most of all, Jamie’s book reminded me of who I was – beloved and precious in the sight of my Father God – and that my status with Him is not dependent on how I homeschool. My feelings of failure, discouragement and defeat in homeschooling did not reflect my worth or my identity as a child of God.

If you are in the need of some real in-the-trenches help and hope from a mom who’s been there and writes honestly and lovingly, I think this is one book every homeschool mom should read.

Find your courage, refresh your heart, restore your confidence as you teach your precious kids at home. Homeschool Bravely helps you do all three.

You can do this, whether it’s for a short season or for a long haul.

You have a community of encouraging, wise, and heart-filling homeschooling mamas walking this road too.

I will always be grateful that one of them took the time to write this book for the rest of us.

(Thank you, Jamie! Your words poured strength, courage, and hope back into my heart when I needed it most. I will always be deeply grateful.)

_{I wrote this post out of a genuine desire to help other mamas find the hope and help they need in homeschooling their kids and did not in any way receive any compensation, monetary or otherwise, from Jamie Erickson. Just sayin’.}

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How to Use Courageous Humility to Bring New Connection

Dinner was steaming on the table. Anger was shimmering in the air.

It had been a long, hard day, and the afternoon had dissolved into an evening mashup of bickering, belligerent selfishness, snotty remarks, and defiant disobedience.

My husband wasn’t even home yet, since it was another long work day, and the eight kids and I were eating later than I had hoped. A sense of helpless discouragement over my inability to keep on time stabbed me mercilessly, even as the seething anger at my kids rose like an acidic heartburn.

“Everyone, sit down and be quiet!” I snapped, trying to quell the unending verbal antagonization.

As the kids settled into a sullen silence, with one last glare at siblings before closing their eyes for the blessing on the food, the ugliness of the hypocrisy was not lost on me.

How could we pray and ask God to bless our meal, our time together, when we were holding so much anger, hurt, and offense?

Unwilling and unable to pretend to God or my kids that everything was fine and carry on as usual, I declared:

“OK. We all need to apologize to God, and to each other for all the things we’ve done and said today.

We’ll each go around and pray, asking God to forgive us, and then we’ll ask the people we’ve wronged to forgive us.

I’ll go first.”

And I prayed out loud, telling God I was sorry for my impatience, my anger, my harsh words and my quickness to react when I needed to be calm. I asked Him to forgive me.

I then turned to the children I had been sharp and angry with, and asked them to forgive me as well.

Startled at the departure from our usual method of praying before a meal, my kids hesitatingly opened their eyes, looked into mine, and each told me they forgave me.

“Thank you,” I said. “Now, it’s your turn,” and pointing at the child sitting next to me, I indicated they needed to start talking.

And the amazing thing is… they did.

With the exception of the three-year-old, all seven older children first quietly prayed aloud, asking God to forgive them, and then spoke to the siblings they had offended, asking forgiveness for specific things they had said and done. Several of them apologized to me for various moments of “selective deafness” or snarky back talk.

All of them knew how they had wronged each other. All of them knew when it was they had done or said something hurtful.

Granted, we did have a few bumpy moments… One kid was suddenly struck with severe amnesia about the entire day, especially pertaining to their own behavior (too bad there were too many witnesses.) Eventually the memory was fully restored in an apparent miracle, with an acceptable apology stated at last.

There was also the child who, whenever someone else paused in their apology, would helpfully pipe up with a reminder of another item they should be sorry for as well.

But in spite of these little snags, by the time we had circled around to the last child, the tension and anger in the room had totally gone. Some kids had wept while apologizing, and the sincerely uttered “I’m sorry for…” statements had been accepted without hesitation by all the others. Often, when seeing the contrition in the one apologizing, the offended siblings would spontaneously jump up to rush around the table to give a comforting hug.

When I finally prayed to ask the blessing on the food, there was true peace and a softness in everyone’s face where there had been anger and hardness before. Genuine smiles and kindness lingered, even as we cleared the table and got ready for bed later.

It was an entirely changed atmosphere.

It scared me to think of how the evening might have turned out if I hadn’t said those three words: “I’ll go first.”

Sometimes, to bring back the softness, the repentance, the kindness, and the love – to repair relationships that have cracked or broken – it takes gritty humility to make that hard initial move and acknowledge our own wrongdoing FIRST.

Our kids and spouses and the people closest to us aren’t shocked by our imperfection. They relax in reassurance when we courageously apologize and admit our errors and wrongdoing, since it means that they, too, aren’t expected to be perfect.

They find comfort knowing there is humility and grace waiting to meet them when they share their own lackings and failings.

It takes a lot of strength and courage to lead in reconciliation and repentance. But the rewards are sweet and entirely worthwhile.

“I’ll go first.”

Will you?

God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.
Matthew 5:9 (NLT)

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Unlocking a Hard Heart: How to Create Safe Reconnection

Confessions from a Mama of 8

This may come as a shock to you, but I’m not a perfect mother.

I’m not even terribly patient – which seems counterintuitive for a homemaker with a slew of eight littles.

Wait for it: My children are also imperfect, as incredible as that may seem.

And sometimes after a “situation” erupts, the child who has done wrong and is clearly at fault often becomes hard.

It’s like a grim, defiant varnish falls over their face, mind, and heart, and they stand there, refusing to apologize or make things right. They are clearly miserable, but unwilling and apparently unable to make the move to the safer, higher ground of repentance and reconciliation.

Often the initial problem is actually overshadowed by their belligerent attitude while being corrected – to the point where they experience the interesting phenomenon of a receiving a consequence for their ongoing attitude rather than the initial wrongdoing.

It’s difficult for me to fight a natural justice-driven instinct: I want to remain hard and cold to the one at fault, as if I think any softness on my part will seem like an encouragement or a reward for the bad behavior or choices.

The worrier in me anxiously frets that the child will have some kind of permanently flawed character if I don’t react with appropriate, cool sternness. I fear that if I don’t address their error in an appropriately punitive way, they will become a shallow, entitled, willful adult who mocks at upright living. And I will be seen as a weak, capitulating parent unworthy of respect or attention, world without end, amen.

Yet most of the time, any hardness, harshness or strict reproach from me, even if totally justified, usually tends to bring out only more hardness in my child.

In fact, it often escalates the situation, igniting more conflict rather than bringing any sort of resolution, much less the kind of heart-change I hope for.

One time I found myself again confronting a defiant, unrepentant and stone-faced child – but this time, by God’s grace, the usual Molotov cocktail of anger, bewilderment and fear in my own heart wasn’t there. Instead I felt an unexpected peacefulness, and a loving tenderness toward my child which startled me.

Looking down into the little stony face, I reached out and enveloped my child in a warm hug, gently rocking back and forth, stroking their hair. And the stiff little body suddenly melted into softness with relief. Arms were thrown around my neck and a little voice choked out very sincere apology while tears streamed down.

My undeserved gentleness and kindness brought on a sudden softening – a genuine repentance that I could never have forced or manipulated.

Can you relate to the child described above? I sure can.

When I’m angry, hurt, embarrassed, sorry but too ashamed and proud to admit it, sometimes I am my own worst enemy in being able to find the peace and comfort I long for and the reconciliation that brings it about. But an unexpected kindness brings swift softness and acknowledgement of my wrong.

What we really need in those moments after we screw up (and realize it) is grace: Someone to extend undeserved kindness and mercy and provide a place of safety in our brokenness, because we yearn for acceptance and reconnection in our repentance, and mourn because… We know we don’t deserve it.

In our hardness, defiance, rebellion, anger, pride, and shame, our God reaches out to us with loving arms, showing us stunning mercy and kindness. Especially when we have done nothing to deserve it.

Being responded to like that melts the hardness, coldness, and shameful fear away. And we find the courage and safety to know we will be held and loved and forgiven without harshness or shaming (even though we might still face the consequences of our actions).

The Apostle Paul says it this way: “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”
Romans 2:4, NLT

The times I have experienced the most kindness and grace when I have done wrong often are the times I react with the greatest contrition and true repentance.

I have seen the same happen in my kids again and again.

Let’s ask God for the courage and ability to gift His loving kindness to our children and those around us, to show His glorious grace and stunning tenderness even when it seems undeserved and counter-intuitive.

And we’ll know that it’s a way to most closely resemble God Himself, and to represent His love to a broken world desperately in need of reconciliation with Him.

We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:20-21, NLT

– Maria

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Also, I’d love to hear your thoughts – what’s something you struggle with in the areas of raising children, interacting with people, homeschooling, or in homemaking?

How to Impact the World Forever: Purposeful Parenting Now!

Your child is an eternal soul in a transient body.

Pardon my bluntness, but from what I understand, as a human, there is a 100% chance of death.

This may seem like a grim thought, but it really needs to be considered. Because how else will we decide how to live, how to spend the life we have been given, if we do not first understand that we only have it for a relatively brief span of time?

How else would we recognize the immense precious worth of the moments we have been given now to impact not only our children, but through them, their children and children’s children?

A common current way of thinking is to work to establish a ‘kingdom’ in one’s own lifetime, of things, money, and a reputation that will bring a sense of success or value while one is alive. But a far more reasonable and worthwhile mentality is that, while recognizing our own mortality, we deliberately aim to produce value and lasting impact for when we are no longer here.

The best way to do this is to invest in our children’s character and relationship with their Creator-King.

As immortal souls, they truly will be one lasting thing that we will have had the privilege of helping create while on earth. Businesses may close, wealth may be spent and pass to others, reputation and significance will fade. But to impact another person’s character – to help imprint them and shift them from one aspect into something different – that is to bear the weight of co-creation, in a way. It’s working to build up a Kingdom that is going to last through eternity – God’s Kingdom.

That God has seen fit to allow such a flawed and imperfect person as myself the exquisite honor of using my time and efforts to guide my eight young children’s minds and hearts on a path that leads towards Him is something truly incredible. How I choose to steward my time with them impacts their minds, hearts, and lives. I have the opportunity to shape these eight little people like no other human will.

So how am I using this season I am assigned to this work? How are you using the time you have?

Once we recognize our limited time given for this task, not only because we are all mortal, but because there is only a relatively short span when we have the undivided attention and respect of our children when they are young, parenting becomes (rightfully) something we should look at with seriousness and earnestness.

And probably a little something akin to a holy panic.

Because how in the world are we actually supposed to do this?!?

Exactly.

Again to be quite blunt: We’re not. Our job is to enable God to do His in the hearts and minds of our children, while allowing Him full authority over our own.

We are to be the under-gardeners. The under-shepherds. The teaching assistants, the mentors, the stewards, the butlers and housekeepers. None of it is truly ours to hold in the first place.

It all belongs to the Great Overseer of our souls, our Good Shepherd, our Teacher, Master Gardener, High King and Lord of all. We can find comfort knowing that our children are ultimately not our responsibility, but our Father’s.

He is the One who will plant the seeds – we are to help keep the soil soft and as weed-free as we can, watering and fertilizing, building fences and staying vigilant to keep marauders and pests out.

He is the One who the sheep listen to – we are to help guard the lambs and teach them to know His voice and follow Him quickly to find life-giving food, clear water, and nurturing care.

He is the Teacher – we are to help with the lessons and homework He gives, provide encouragement and pointers during hard tests, and cheer and congratulate when successful learning takes place.

And in that knowledge, we can find the galvanizing reality that we will answer to Him for how we have spent our time with the littles in our charge, whether they be our own children or anyone in need of guidance and discipleship that He has brought into our lives in the season we’re in now.

He has chosen each of us specifically for good works that He has planned out for us before time began (Ephesians 2:10). So, we can find the strength, hope, wisdom, love, and courage to walk in those works only as we daily seek direction and help from our Father.

And the main source of direction and help that He has lovingly provided for us: His Holy Word. Click to read my article on Why a Bible-Shaped Life is Vitally Important to Any Parent.

There is a saying that God has no grandchildren. Our faith is ours, and our children must grow and develop their own faith-relationship with Him. Our job, then, is to enable and encourage and guide that relationship, not to try to be a representative or surrogate for them to God. It would perhaps be more accurate to say that God wants you to represent Him to your children!

We should disciple and teach our children while holding the idea that eventually they will become mature adults and followers of Christ – and as such, will become our brothers and sisters in God’s kingdom. This means we should behave toward them with the respect, kindness, and grace we would give others outside our family, and not grow careless or lazy in how we treat or train our children, even when they are young.

“Who then is adequate for such a task as this?” (2 Corinthians 2:16). As stunning and overwhelming as it may seem, if you are a parent or a caregiver of young children, God has chosen you to carry out this awesome task. And He promises to give you everything you need for it:

“And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”
(2 Corinthians 9:8, NIV)

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” (2 Corinthians 4:7, NLT, emphasis mine)

Our children don’t need us to be perfect. They already know we’re not. They just need us to keep shining out the Light through our broken places so that they can see the path toward our perfect God for themselves.

And the brighter the better.

We are not promised tomorrow. Let’s make the most of the time we have today.

Make a commitment to yourself and to God today to be the parent He has called you to be. Pray and commit yourself and your kids to Him entirely. Want extra accountability? I would love to hear your story! Send me a reply, and I will read it and pray for you. Parenting is a high and challenging calling, my friend.

You do not have to walk it alone.

With you in this!

Maria

(To connect to the companion article that shows how a Biblically-based life is foundational to raising children who walk with God, click to read Why a Bible-Shaped Life is Vitally Important to Any Parent!)

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Why a Bible-Shaped Life is Vitally Important to Any Parent

If you truly want to have a lasting impact and raise your children for the Kingdom of God, the Bible must have a foundational, central, and overarching role in your home and heart life.

Read it, speak it, sing it, pray it, write it, discuss it, study it, and memorize it.

“And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.”
(Deuteronomy 6:6-7, NLT, emphasis mine)

Look for ways to honor and invite Scripture into your life and thoughts and routines until it becomes like second nature, your native language, completely familiar and beloved.

Because it’s going to be hard to tell your kids how crucial it is to them if it’s not essential to you, first. Kids are smart. They won’t buy hypocrisy, and they’re watching to see if it’s the real deal to you. So make it real!

Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to make it so addictive to you and so attractive you can’t miss it without missing it. Ask Him for creative ways to include it in your daily routine. Ask Him to help you with memorizing it. Ask Him to help you love it. Ask Him to help you make time to read it.

Then obey. Make time for reading it. Even if you start with only five minutes in the morning.

Busy moms still snatch a few minutes to eat throughout their day. (I know because I’ve been doing it for years.) Even if it’s later than everyone else, I still find a moment to eat something so I can keep going. I still make time for those two minutes of making my small cup of espresso each morning (and oh, the joy that creamy, deeply-rich-and-dark coffee brings my heart), so I know that I can also choose to take a couple minutes to crack open my Bible, quiet my heart, and let the words inspired by the Holy Spirit wash over me and feed my soul before I get into the flurry of a busy day with many little children. And often at the end of the day, I choose to spend a few more minutes with Scripture, as a comforting grace to hold in my mind as I drift off to sleep.

Time with the Bible shapes my thoughts and sets my heart in the right frame to handle my day with grace, courage, and intentional choices that lean toward righteousness. In parenting, I need this. (I’m guessing you might, too.) I can sure tell the difference on the days I miss my Bible time!

If you truly think you can only manage five minutes, perhaps start with just one chapter of the Gospels a day. Begin with the Gospel of John. When you get to the end, start Matthew, then keep moving through them.

If you make more time, read one Psalm a day as well. If you accidentally skip a day, ditch the guilt and pick it up again the next day without hesitation. Keep going. Don’t stop – if you don’t feed your soul with the Word of life, it will starve. What this world has to offer is temporary and unsatisfying at best. Nourish your heart with what will truly sustain you, grow you, and transform you.

Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.
(Hebrews 11:6, NLT, emphasis mine)

The Bible should so permeate our thoughts, words, and behavior that we are known for being people of the Word anywhere and everywhere we engage with others. It should carry a certain lingering fragrance and presence that wherever we go we are noted for leaving the undeniable tang and strength of a life steeped in and shaped by the Scriptures.

The Bible is our tangible link to knowing and understanding who the stunningly loving, all-powerful, glorious, terrifying, and holy Spirit-Being who created our universe and our human race is – and why He deserves our adoration and obedience:

Because He, in spite of His perfect power and glory, became a man, and suffered and died a horrible criminal’s death to bring us life – demonstrating His love by paying the cost of our wrongdoing. Then by rising again, alive forevermore, He once and for all broke the power of sin and death, demonstrating His power, authority, and worthiness of our love and allegiance.

And this story and revelations of His character, as well as clear guidelines for how to live our lives as well, are found in the inspired Holy Bible. This is not something to hold with little esteem.

Here is where the Holy Spirit can speak to us each day.
Here is where we can find hope for our lives and the future to come.
Here is where we recognize the beautiful kindness of God’s love that suddenly seems to gleam from so many aspects of our own lives.
Here is where we see the mercy of God in the histories of other broken people, and find inspiration and courage for our own.
And here is where we find the wisdom to teach and lead our children in a way that truly points them toward God and a life lived in His love.

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.
(Hebrews 4:12, NLT)

Time spent prayerfully with the Bible is time allowing God to transform us into the godly people He desires us to be. It is time that gives us the strength to overcome the long-term sins and temptations we struggle with. It is time coming to know and love more deeply our One, Truest Love. And that will give us the deepest, most delightful, pleasurable joy we can ever experience this side of Heaven.

I may daily come short of adequately demonstrating the holiness and beauty of my God, but His Word never will. And I would rather faithfully stumble toward Him and daily fight to pursue Him than carelessly dance on my way in a life full of shallow pursuits, low standards, and vain regrets. He is worth my all, and His Word is worth every moment spent with it.

How many minutes will you spend reading the Bible today? Will you commit to reading it at least five minutes a day for 30 days? (If you miss a day, just keep going on the next!)

May a love and a desire for the Holy Word of God be ignited in our hearts, and an earnest pursuit of time with it be vibrantly evident in our homes and lives.

Walking with you in this!

– Maria