The Flock in My Care – A Hopeful Reminder for Tired Mamas

(Confessions from a Mama of Many)

Hey Mama.

How’s your heart been today?

If you are a tad weary, a little worn, feeling stretched, depleted, and often discouraged by how often you are discouraged, I can absolutely relate.

Being the bedrock of a little person’s life is draining. Being the foundational piece of how they find comfort, sustenance, information, regulation, and rest is hard work.

Multiply that number by however many children you may care for, and the flat-out truth is that parenting is a significant, important, and often utterly exhausting enterprise.

The raising and care of little people can be bewildering in the immense variety of needs and areas of focus. You are one person and the work is so much.

So guess what? Admitting and accepting that you can’t do it all is the first step in walking straight into the peace our own Father gives.

Parenting is often more about being parented.

Each challenge, each struggle, each situation, each interaction, each new need you face in your day is an opportunity for you to become childlike yourself and press into the loving, huge arms that are held out to hold you and to nestle your head on the broad, strong shoulder you can fully rest on and trust in.

Psalm 68:19 exclaims, “Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms.” (NLT)

Another cherished verse from Scripture for me is Isaiah:

“He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.” 

Isaiah 40:11 (NLT)

One of the best things about this verse is that the mother sheep is not alone, guarding her young by herself out in the wild.  She’s not trying to scavenge for her food and the food for her littles, defend everyone from predators, and be ever vigilant and all-knowing about every disease or difficulty that the flock will face. 

She’s under the shepherd’s care right along with her lambs. She’s not the one ultimately responsible for their well-being and met needs: He is.

This gives me peace, like a sigh of relief. It’s not all on my shoulders. I can walk each day, doing the best I can with what I have been given, and know at the end of it I am not the final answer. The final answer comes from Someone infinitely more capable, wise, gracious, patient, kind-hearted, tender, and loving than I am.

My job is to manage and care for the little ones I have been given. As a mama sheep with my own littles, it’s as if I’m an under-shepherd.

My calling is to teach them to listen for and follow the voice of our Shepherd. I am to demonstrate complete trust in His faithfulness and ability to care for all my needs.

Children hear what you say but they are more likely to imitate what they see.

My children should see me run to the Shepherd joyfully and quickly for safety, comfort, and sustenance each and every day so that when they also require those things, they know what pattern to replicate in their own lives.

1 Peter 5:2 was written to pastors and overseers (i.e. “shepherds”) of groups of believers in the Early Church, but this also makes it applicable to a mama like me:

“Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.”

1 Peter 5:2 (NLT)

My littles are in my care. They have been “entrusted” to me, and I am charged to watch over them with a willing heart and an eagerness to please my Great Shepherd, to whom I will answer for my work.

My prayer for you today is that you will find solace and peace in knowing His tender, watchful care for you. I pray that you will know the deep joy that comes when your heart is soft and quick to turn and follow His guidance.

And I pray that you will walk courageously in the love He gives you each day, willing and eager to pour it out on the little ones you watch over.

Grace and peace to your heart, Shepherd-Mama.

Our Shepherd smiles when He sees you.

How I’m Raising Eager Readers: Part Three

I want my kids to love reading and to have good feelings about it! Pushing through when they’re having a hard time or are feeling poorly is a sure-fire way to create resentment and frustration, not to mention significant weepiness. (And that’s not even talking about my kid’s reaction.)

When Reading Runs Amuck: How I Combat Some Reading-Time Challenges

Sometimes reading time slants sideways even before the book is opened.

Yes, even for my family of book-lovers, these times come too. The whining and complaining starts, and bargaining for a really short lesson or a different activity begins. Thirst, hunger, exhaustion and mental fatigue strike with astonishing speed, and the chores that earlier seemed so tedious and unimportant suddenly appear fascinating and urgent. Kids who can intently focus on a game or something else they enjoy suddenly can’t seem to hold still or concentrate for more than three seconds.

Here’s the list of questions I run through to figure out how to triage the reading blues:

1. Is there a physical need or problem my child is facing?

Are they tired, hungry, or cranky?  Are they dealing with a cold or another ailment? If any of these things are a yes, I will try to cut the lesson shorter, or just shelve it till we have resolved the problem.  Otherwise it’s just not worth the emotional struggle. 

I want my kids to love reading and to have good feelings about it!  Pushing through when they’re having a  hard time or are feeling poorly is a sure-fire way to create resentment and frustration, not to mention significant weepiness.  (And that’s not even talking about my kid’s reaction.)

2. Is there a natural personality or behavioral trait at work, or is this abnormal behavior?

 Are they naturally more energetic and wiggly, finding sitting still a challenge? 

If it’s squirminess within that particular child’s normal range, I try to work with it instead of fighting it, especially at a young age.  As they grow older and gain more self control, sitting or standing still can be worked on with less resistance and greater ease.

Some people have a natural tendency to concentrate better while they’re moving – even as adults. Instead of fighting this and making everyone miserable, I figure, why not be creative and plan to accommodate the wiggle?  Reading becomes so much more pleasant and successful!

I have had one son, my earliest reader, stand next to me while I sat on the floor with the reading book.  He squirmed, waved his arms, hugged himself, kicked his legs, and bounced around me the whole time – but he was actively reading the sounds.  He did an amazing job – but I had to be willing to adjust to his unorthodox, squirmy method of learning with patience and grace. I now have fond memories of these reading lessons, since I saw the rapid progress he made when he was free to physically move as he needed.

I do try my best to gauge whether it is a natural energetic movement where the child is still able to focus and concentrate well on the reading, or if the wiggles are just a sign of boredom or resistance to facing a challenge.  If I’m finding that my child is distracted and unable to read while wiggling, then I do encourage more deliberately quiet positioning, but perhaps after a timed period of short exercise like five laps around the back yard or twenty burpees as fast as possible!

3. Is this a learning area that they have been finding an ongoing challenge or is this new?

Some kids just naturally take to reading. While they may have some rocky patches and off-days, in general the path from letters to sounds to words and sentences is generally straight and mostly smooth.

Other children’s experience can be more challenging – like they suddenly were thrown off a safe, high cliff into deep and murky waters where every vowel sound changes ominously and compound sounds lurk like sharks. (At least, that’s the impression I get from reading with them!)

Some kids really do need more time and help with reading.  One of mine requires extra patience and persistence, since it seems that almost every lesson something previously learned is forgotten and we’ve lost some ground.  We have been making good progress in spite of the setbacks, however, and it’s important for me to remember to look back and see how far we’ve come, and the overall general success we’ve already achieved!

Any learning challenge can potentially be very draining, discouraging, and exasperating for both parent and child. It’s important to hold on and just keep going in short, cheery bursts as often as possible, celebrating small victories with a big smile and sincere excitement (and maybe a small treat or a fun activity.)

Consistence with persistence… and get assistance if you need it! There is so much more information and help available nowadays for parents who are helping children through dyslexia and other learning issues, and sometimes the best way to teach your child to read is to let someone else help you do it if you’re struggling, with no guilt or shame about it. 

Here’s to raising eager readers!

Pork Carnitas

Beautiful. Almost brings tears of joy to my eyes. (I get emotional about my food.)

Savory, succulent, crispy exterior, warm with fragrant cumin, spices, and a tang of citrus – what’s not to love about this glorious and versatile meat?

Use in tacos, enchiladas, on top of baked potatoes, in burritos, on salads, in a bun with slaw, on nachos, on barbecue pizza, in a box, with a fox… (I do so love carnitas, Sam-I-am!)  Or just eat with your fingers, out of the pan (don’t burn yourself) with undisguised gusto and unfeigned delight. 

You’re welcome.

This recipe was adapted from “Citrus Carnitas”, in Melissa Joulwan’s Well Fed, an excellent paleo cookbook which I highly recommend (even if you’re not paleo.).

Prep Time: about 20 minutes. Cook Time: About 3 hours

Pork Carnitas

Ingredients

  • 3-4 lbs pork shoulder, boneless or bone-in (I prefer boneless, it’s easier)
  • 1 heaping (and it should be quite heaping) Tbsp ground cumin
  • 1 Tbsp granulated garlic
  • 1 Tbsp sea salt
  • 1 tsp ground coriander
  • 1 tsp ground black pepper
  • 1 tsp ground cayenne pepper
  • 1/2 cup lime juice
  • 1/2 cup lemon juice
  • Water

Directions

  • Hack up pork into large-ish chunks, about 3-4 inches across. Slap ’em into a big pot. (I let out my angst in this process, as you can see. It’s cheap therapy. Or something.)
  • Measure out all the salt and spices and tip in over the meat.  Stir to mix evenly.
  • Pour in lemon and lime juices. Then pour in cool water till barely covering pork.
  • Put that pot on high heat and bring it to a rip-snorting boil. 
  • Then turn it down to a steady simmer, and leave it uncovered.  It will look terrible, like a bleak soup.  Fear not and take courage, my friend.
  • Let it simmer, bubbling gently, for about two or three hours, or till most of the water has cooked out.  Your house should smell amazing right about now…
  • Here’s where it becomes magical: the pork chunks start to crisp in the melted fat and juices left after the water evaporates, so keep an eye on things to prevent burning.  Gently turn the chunks over (trying to keep from shredding them) so they brown and crisp on all sides, about ten minutes or so (depending on how high your heat is and how much fat was in the meat).
  • If you have enough self-control, move meat to a serving dish and let cool 5 minutes or so, serve warm.  Or gently shred in pot with two forks or something similar if you’re using the carnitas for tacos or the like… Or, as I mentioned above, let it cool just enough to not burn you and then nab a deliciously crisp-soft savory chunk of browned carnitas right out of the pot with your fingers to eat with unmitigated relish is always an option.  Enjoy.  I know I sure do!

How I’m Raising Eager Readers (Part Two)

My Method in the Madness

In a large family with so many littles, I’ve had to streamline and simplify how I teach reading. 

I use Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons (by Siegfied Engelmann, Phyllis Haddox & Elaine Bruner, Touchstone Publishing) with a significant twist! 

This battered copy has been through six children so far… starting the seventh sometime later this year!

If you are at all familiar with this book, you know that the sounds and words to be taught are in a large, bold font.  After the first introductory lessons which do not have stories, each lesson has a simple picture with a “story” (some of only a sentence or two, others much longer) for the child to read which practices the sounds and words they learned.  (Some of these stories are a hoot, and my children grew to anticipate whatever funny story they would read that day!)

This book uses a special orthographic (how words are spelled) font so that children become familiar with the sounds certain letters make without being confused by sound rules.

Each lesson also comes with a carefully detailed script – both for the parent to say/teach (in pink print) and an expected response from the child for each lesson.  They also give writing exercises, rhyming activities, picture comprehension questions, and multiple questions/answers throughout each lesson. 

Confession time: I only focus on the bold print when I teach my children reading from this book. 

Yep, I brazenly ignore all the fine print, writing exercises, rhyming, and multiple admonishments for repeated readings.  (I know, shocking!)

This way there is a lot less drag and irritation from the slow progress, and my kids and I can zip through the first several lessons without even breaking a sweat.  Because the book starts very simply, teaching only two sounds in the first lesson, then slowly building each time, I often find that my child can easily cover multiple lessons in the early days, then as the reading increases and the stories at the end become a little longer, we “slow down” to about two or so for each reading session.  (One of my children was so excited by her progress that she insisted on covering about four to five lessons each time we worked on her reading!)

Here’s my method in the madness, broken down:

1. I use Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, but teach using only the bold text without following the script.

I use it as a resource, not a mandated method. My kids react with irritation if I try to slowly go through all fine-print script, slowing us all down and increasing frustration.  When I let it go, they start to fly through the lessons with increasing enthusiasm and excitement.  It is an easy choice.

2. I use the actual lessons as a general guide, but go at the pace my child sets, rather than insisting he/she completes a set number of lessons or pages. 

If we are struggling through one lesson and don’t even finish and ten minutes is up, I often say cheerily, “OK, let’s get to the end of this line (or to the bottom of this page) and then let’s stop for the day!  Great work so far!” because then my child knows the end is in sight and is encouraged to keep going for just a little longer. 

I try to generally aim for about ten minutes at least for “reading time” with me, in addition to whatever books they read to themselves or each other before bedtime or during quiet time.

Once in a while, I know my child is just being a punk and decided that he/she doesn’t feel like doing the work of reading that day.  So then I will tell them that they need to complete a page (or a lesson) before moving on to another activity (like playing), and if they refuse, they will lose that other activity. As the mom of my kids, I can tell when it’s totally an attitude thing versus a real problem like an illness or exhaustion or low blood sugar.

Even though I want reading to be enjoyable, sometimes getting to that point will be work.  And teaching my child that work is part of life is never a bad thing. 

3. I often fit “reading time” in with normal life.  This means that after we get through the initial lessons and my child is more confident in reading, I often have a child sitting (or lying!) on a mat on the kitchen floor next to me or sitting on the couch, reading aloud, while I clean up breakfast dishes, fold laundry, or cook dinner.  I stay close and keep an eye on their book and can usually direct them easily if they make an error or need a reminder about a certain sound, or can chat with them about the picture and discuss the story.

This way I can get through about two or three children’s reading lessons (usually the most I have in this learning stage is three kids at a time) while still getting through the regular household things that I need to accomplish for our family.

4. I never insist that we finish the book! 

I have experienced now with several children that by the time they reach around lesson 75 (three-quarters of the way through the book), they have enough confidence and reading skills that they have already begun reading other books that they themselves have chosen, on topics they find interesting. THIS IS SUCCESS.

Some of my kids never go back to 100 Easy Lessons because they self-teach new words and sounds through other materials. (Often later they go back and read the fun stories at the end of each lesson, merely as an entertainment rather than a scholastic endeavor.)

And I cheerily put it back on the shelf to wait for the next upcoming reader, knowing it has successfully completed its mission of helping me teach reading to my child.

Booyah! Victory.

There you have it, the basic way I teach reading in my home.  Up next: Part Three: How I cope with specific challenges like wiggly kids, meltdown-days, and learning difficulties.

How I’m Raising Eager Readers (Part One)

5 Things I Do to Create a Home Where Readers Thrive

My five-year-old, starting yet another chapter book.

Of my eight children aged 11 to 2 years, six are reading, most of them with great proficiency. My earliest reader was one of my sons, while he was still 3 years old. Our adopted son is also reading well within his age group, despite coming from another country with an entirely different language and no prior English experience.

The average age of children starting reading in our home is about age 4. I laugh and think by now it’s usually a matter of survival – with so many books and reading siblings around, the younger ones think it’s absolutely typical, and just figure that the earlier they get started the sooner they can join the fun!

Now I find myself frequently frustrated that someone is so lost in a book that they have neglected their chores or forgot to shower or are oblivious to my calling that dinner is on the table!

While a house full of bookworms lost in stacks of books is a commonplace scene for me, I have to admit that this is not just by chance.

Creating an environment where readers thrive is an intentional choice. As a parent, I have a direct impact on how my children view reading and books based on how I choose to incorporate them in our home.

Creating a Home Where Readers Thrive
  • We make space for books. While this may seem obvious, it is nonetheless important to note. Are there bookshelves or cupboards available for your children’s books which are easily accessible to them? Is there enough room for their libraries to grow as they do? Are shelves or places where books can be stored cluttered with other things like toys, games, knick-knacks, or outdated board books? Having a dedicated place for reading books is a great start to growing dedicated readers.

In our home we have many bookshelves – in fact, pretty much every room in the house has at least one bookshelf (except the kitchen, bathrooms and laundry room). This means that we live in an environment surrounded by many books and it makes me so happy!

I have extra bins on the hearth in the living room that are specifically designated for the plethora of library books we lug home (I try limiting the number per kid but thus far I have been wildly unsuccessful). This helps keep the books more organized as well.

Books on lower shelves are generally designated for the younger children. Special reference books or more costly classics and adult literature are higher and thus less likely to be damaged by toddlers.

  • We make places for comfortable reading. Some of my kids want to read flopped on the floor on their bellies. Some love snuggling on the couch with blankets and throw pillows. Some wedge themselves tightly in the corner between the wall and the piano with their book. Some hide in their bed, some sit outside on a blanket… you get the picture. Each child has a preferred way of reading that allows them to be comfortable and concentrate.

If I want to encourage an environment of reading, it’s in my best interest to help enable the comfort of my reader, whether by providing a basket of smaller (easily washable) blankets in the living room, some durable floor cushions for those who want to lounge on the carpet, or ensuring they have a decent light source in their room (for my older kids). Even finding a smaller, kid-sized table and chairs can encourage reading habits since they are more comfortable in a space that fits them best.

  • We limit screen time. This one’s important. In order to encourage an atmosphere that fosters reading, I make it a priority to decrease access and exposure to screens, since any screen time (even the educational kind) seems to cause limited attention-span, deter creativity, minimize logical thought, and (in my personal experience) create negative attitudes and behavior that exponentially increases with the amount of screen time. When I notice my kids starting to whine about boredom and wanting to watch something, that’s my cue to carefully assess the time we’ve been permitting in front of a screen and to start assigning more books.
  • We set the example. The truth is that children will listen to what their parents say, but they are far more likely to imitate the behavior they see. If I want to raise children who are self-motivated learners, careful thinkers, and avid readers, this is the kind of person I need to be myself.

I grew up overseas with limited access to many modern conveniences. Books were something my family considered an essential, and my siblings and I reread our favorite chapter books and classic novels dozens of times. Books were a cherished source of information and entertainment. Now as an adult, being a voracious reader comes naturally to me.

Because my children see me (and their dad) reading often, they hear us getting excited discussing books and stories, and they observe me eagerly anticipating trips to the library, they also have assimilated this excited, positive attitude toward reading because it is normal for our household.

  • We read to the children. This should perhaps be the most obvious, but it is one of the most crucial pieces to implement in a home that wants to cherish readers. Reading out loud to my children is perhaps the most important way to grow their interest in and love of books.

Stories from the Bible, stories from classic literature, excellent children’s works by authors from around the world, modern fables and ancient myths, fairy tales and heartwarming family stories – humankind has always been fascinated and interested in stories, and my children are no different.

Even as we home school, reading snippets of great books for narration and copywork often whets their appetite for more of the same story, and often creates a need to make a new library run for more books!

Reading to the kids doesn’t have to be a long, onerous burden. Setting a timer for ten minutes, or even starting a routine of reading a chapter aloud of a good book while everyone else pitches in and folds laundry or colors in a coloring book is a way to incorporate reading at home.

Carefully observe your day and see where there are moments that might work for reading – even if it’s for only 10-15 minutes at a time. In a busy household, it’s important to be creative and flexible, but committed to reading.

To recap:

Here’s how we work to intentionally create a home environment that fosters a thriving group of young readers:

1. We make space for books.

2. We create places for reading comfortably.

3. We limit screen time.

4. We set the example.

5. We read to our kids.

Happy reading!

Up next: Part Two: What I Actually Use to Teach My Children How to Read

Bridging the Angry Divide: Reconnection & Restoration for Frustrated Mamas

Confessions from a Mama of Many

I was gritty with frustration last night. None of my punks were listening to my directions to stop fighting and please clean up messes. My house looked as if a daycare, an elementary school, a grocery store (I had just gotten home from errands), and a laundromat had a head-on collision. There were no survivors.

Dinner wasn’t ready.

I was getting snarky attitudes from the older kids and whining tears from the littles while my middle kids ignored house rules and raced each other up and down the halls shrieking.

The burning anger was rising. The exasperation in me was roaring toward all-out irrational irritation and picking up sarcasm and sudden outbursts of yelling along the way.

Here’s a relatively frequent experience:

When the throbbing starts in my temples and my jaw starts aching a bit from the clenching, it’s a good sign that I’m a leetle angry and close to my frustration limit.

Too much more and the harsh words come much too quickly, the cupboard doors start getting shut a bit too hard, and the onions get chopped as if I were a teppanyaki chef with a personal vendetta against vegetables.

Then the kids start looking up at me with slightly wounded, pouty expressions, even as the whining ratchets up a notch and the bickering takes an uptick.

“When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” (Who decided that brilliant axiom, anyway?) It doesn’t really seem fair that the household generally seems to find me the emotional thermostat, following my stress levels, hovering equally near to my cheery high moments or my discouraged lows.

And yet this is the case. We mamas wield a lot of power as we captain our own little crews, trying to avoid the shoals while being rocked by waves and splattered with storms. It’s hard to maintain perspective that my children are learning how to navigate life based on my example, even as I sometimes just try to survive the day.

This is a lot of influence to hold! And often it feels like something far beyond my capacity and understanding. And yet: Here at home with my children is the place where I have the opportunity to be the leader God made me.

I can exert my choice to impact my family environment in a way that will benefit everyone, or I can decide to follow my acidic angry mental churnings and end up with figurative heartburn. (And sometimes literal heartburn too, now that I think about it.)

So. Since parenting is a calling which God has entrusted to me, it helps when I stop, take that deep breath, and quickly ask Him to come in and join me in the moments of deep frustration, raw aggravation, and exhausted irritation.

I usually think/pray a line from an old song, “Holy Spirit, thou art welcome in this place,” and just the acknowledgement that I need something – no, Some ONE – greater and more able than myself brings a pause to the anger. It’s not that I need the old-fashioned English, it’s that I’m usually so desperate that I’m kicking into autopilot and often the old songs I heard as a child are the ones that rise first.

I can choose to invite Him to come into this moment, this home, this heart, where I feel so tired, so weak, so overcome with frustration and overwhelm and stress.

And He does. Every single time. Like a cool breeze on a hot, breathless day, I sense His peaceful presence, and my heart unwrinkles a bit. (He’s so kind to tired, frazzled mamas.)

My mouth, open before with sharp words, closes. My breathing (and heart rate) slow. I usually take a deep breath, then if I need it, a drink of water (it helps! Swallowing stimulates the vagus nerve and that aids relaxation and stress relief – fun fact).

Then the conviction kicks in and I feel ashamed of myself and my lack of kindness. So then the prayer of Brother Lawrence comes to mind: “How can I but fail unless You enable me to stand?”

Because my first way back from the other side of that chasm of burning anger and exasperation is firstly to make it right with the One I’ve truly wounded with my sin: God.

Asking His forgiveness is easy. Accepting it is humbling, because it means that once again I’ve proven my inability to cope well on my own. Pride gets another zinger and that’s never an enjoyable feeling. (Especially when I get to feel that zinger a lot. Parenting keeps me humble.)

Calling my kids (or maybe just the ones I’ve been angry and impatient or irritated towards, so… that often means almost all of them…) to me, I wait till they’re all quiet(ish) and listening, looking at me.

Then I apologize for my angry reactions and the things I did and said that were wrong. I ask them to forgive me.

During last night’s situation, even before I could finish my sentence including the words, “I’m so sorry for being angry,” one child was up and gently head-butting me for a loving hug and another was interrupting me with their own remorseful apology. All of them said they forgave me. All of them meant it.

The ones who had done things I had been frustrated at (and suddenly much of it seemed petty and just childish, not worth the amount of angst I had poured into my reaction) apologized sincerely, simply, sweetly.

The tension in the air deflated like a leaky balloon, and a soft tenderness filled the space between my children and me. I was again startled and almost speechless at the speed and wholehearted grace my children give me with no hesitation when I express regret or sorrow over the things I have done wrong.

The relief on their faces that I had initiated in guiding us all back to place of peace and connection again was so clear.

The feeling of reparation and restoration was wonderful.

Choosing the humility and softness of a genuine apology always makes a stunningly swift and stable bridge over what initially appeared a deep and burning gorge between us – as long as I don’t put off the reconnection from a sense of pride. I choose to maintain short accounts, and that builds their trust in me.

I can’t change them or make them sorry for their own part of the situation, but I can definitely choose to make it right on my part. And I often find that when I am vulnerable and courageous to admit my faults, they tend to reciprocate because they see I am no longer setting myself as their opponent.

My vulnerability creates a place of safety for them.

And by showing them my willingness to admit fault (it’s not like they are shocked that I’m not perfect) and my humility to ask their forgiveness, I am showing them the beauty and peace that lies in a life lived with short accounts. I am showing the courage and strength it needs to be the one making that first step back together. And by my quickness to accept and forgive their mistakes and wrongs, I am showing them the loving grace our God gives when we tell Him we’re sorry and return to make it right.

By God’s grace, they will grow to be quick bridge-builders themselves in the relationships they have later. Because that’s what this world needs more of.

May He fill you and me with the ongoing courage and humility to make peace with our children, remembering that as His children He makes peace with us.

(Do you find it difficult to apologize to your children?)

Crusty Bread, Cheeses & Sides: The Perfect Evening Meal with Al Fresco Flair

A Miller family favorite, this delightful and easy dinner is a weekly event in our home! Basic French Bread recipe below.

Fresh French Bread rolls, with spicy pickles; Brie with carmelized onions, brown sugar, and apricot preserves; blanched asparagus spears; sliced ripe strawberries; assorted deli meats; and a sliced aged Gouda.

A delicious, simple meal focusing on bread, an assortment of cheeses, sliced vegetables and fresh fruits, olives, pickles, meats, and often a small dish of olive oil and balsamic vinegar for dipping. Versatile and breezy, feel free to include whatever sides make you happy!

Hard-boiled or deviled eggs? Hummus and pita? Tapenade, bruschetta, or goat cheese – we love them all! Add a small bowl of whatever seasonal fruits or berries you find available as a special treat, as this meal is something of a celebration!

In our home we take special notice of Friday evening, marking it with a special meal and some family traditions like a special blessing and family Communion before sharing the food together. It’s something my children eagerly anticipate each week. Pausing to acknowledge the week’s end and to give thanks for the rest and refreshment that the weekend provides while refocusing on the blessings God has given us is an important part of the cadence of our family life.

While this Friday meal is special, it is by no means difficult. The majority of the food is usually handheld (although we do often include a salad), and that makes it enjoyable and relaxing, especially for the kids! (They lovingly refer to this meal as “Bread-and-Cheese”). To make it even more celebratory, we often include a sparkling juice for the kids and wine for the adults.

I usually start thinking and planning for it during the week and try to stock up on the things I will want for it so it becomes simply a matter of just laying it all out by Friday afternoon.

I hope you find this an inspiration to create your own delicious, simple, yet celebratory family feast soon!

Buon apetito!

Here’s my recipe for French Bread, which I make about once a week and shape into many versatile forms – Enjoy!

Basic French Bread Recipe

This recipe is inspired from Peter Reinhart’s Artisan Breads Every Day, my most-used bread recipe book. I don’t usually have time to make bread dough the day before, nor do I usually have the fridge space to chill it overnight like many of his recipes require, so I just simplify the process and dump the ingredients in my sweet and helpful bread machine, Melba. (Don’t tell Peter.) If you don’t have a lovely Melba-machine of your own, here’s the link to Peter’s original recipe: https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120580907

Meet Melba:

Melba, my faithful little kitchen handmaiden of doughy gloriousness.

Melba is a wonder. I just punch in the number for dough (on this machine, #8), put my ingredients in the metal bucket in the right order (making sure that paddle is in there, too). Then I hit the “start” button and one-and-a-half-hours later, I have some beautiful dough ready to go, already risen once and ready for shaping!

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups lukewarm water
  • 2 TBSP olive oil (if desired, technically this voids the “authentic” French bread part of it, but I do it anyway. You decide.)
  • 3 tsp salt
  • 5 1/4 cups bread flour (Yes, bread flour. It’s going to give that springy, delightful chewiness that makes French bread so wonderful. BUT. If you don’t have it, you can absolutely use all-purpose and it will be fine.)
  • 2 1/4 tsp active yeast

Put all ingredients in bread machine bucket IN ORDER LISTED (basically note that all wet ingredients go first, then the dry and then yeast on top).

Wait for it… push that button! And boom. Walk away, knowing that your little friendly Melba-machine is going to take care of everything and transform the simple ingredients into something beautiful.

Here’s Melba in action.

OK. Once Melba is done and starts beeping at me, I take the dough bucket and dump it out on a clean, often lightly-sprayed-with-oil surface. In my house, the only place I have room is my dining room table.

While I start this, I often turn my oven on to heat to 170 degrees F. for about two minutes., then I turn it off. (My oven gets pretty hot pretty fast) I do this because I want a warm safe place to let the buns rise, and any hotter isn’t good.

Then I roll out the dough and divide it evenly in half, then half again, so I have four equal dough pieces. For buns, I roll these out lengthwise, then slice them down the middle, then start chopping them up into little blobs about 1 1/2″ across.

Then I roll the blobs into smooth balls and place about an inch apart on a greased baking sheet – in this case, usually my lovely 11×17″ baking sheets. I can fit quite a few buns on these, and often get about 35-40 buns on one.

When I’m all done with the rolling, I put the pans in the oven with the light on and let them rise for 30 minutes. They should be visibly larger by the end of this time. Then, I take them out of the oven and preheat it to 400 degrees F.

I bake them for 12 minutes. Sometimes 13, but rarely more than that. I prefer softer over crunchy, but it’s a matter of taste. If you like more crispy, bake for about 14-15 mins.

Take ’em out and let ’em cool a bit before slicing in half to ease using as little hand-held sandwiches, or serve warm in a bowl with a towel.

By this point, the house usually smells like a glorious fresh hot bread bonanza, and I can rarely resist grabbing one fresh from the pan, stabbing it open with a knife and slathering butter in the middle. I then eat it quickly, giving thanks for such delights as hot fresh bread and butter all the while. If you have fresh strawberry freezer jam, that’s always a great option too. Or a slice of a densely salty aged Gouda or a tangy sharp white cheddar… Or just a lovely drizzle of a good balsamic reduction and a dollop of olive oil.

Makes 4 medium-size baguette loaves, 2 large French or Italian-size loaves, or many buns (based on how big you make the dough blobs). Usually it’s enough for my family of 10 to get full for dinner and still have over a dozen buns leftover.

(You’re welcome.)

How I Make Back-Talk Back Down (Parenting in Real Life)

3 Things I Do to Take on Back-Talk

– Confessions from a Mama of Many

Talking back, back-talk – it should be some kind of clever palindrome. In reality it’s aggravating, exhausting, and bewildering behavior from one’s children as they verbally challenge whatever it was their parent (usually me, the mom) just stated, requested, or commanded.

I have discovered that if not dealt with decisively and quickly, talking back becomes a long, ingrained habit that only deepens and solidifies its hold in interactions between me and my children, leaving me angry, defensive and (if I’m being honest) somewhat resentful.

I am in the trenches of this draining aspect of parenting, as I often face it daily from at least one (or more!) of my eight children.

(Side note: If any of you know of an amazingly immediate and certain method to eradicate back-talk completely, please share it with the rest of us!) 

Meanwhile, without taking this one on directly, my children seemingly become unable to obey without a major negotiation and a round-table discussion first, as if they were my equals.

Please note, I am not someone who endorses a “seen but not heard” approach to parenting, and I truly long to raise children who feel valued, respected, and cherished. I am delighted by my children showing confidence and independence in appropriate ways. What I am not in favor of is when my young, immature child feels entitled to question my direction, challenge my authority, or seek to amend my parenting in some way. It simply is not their place.

As a parent, I have been given authority over my children by God. Not only has He instituted the family unit as the ideal basis for raising and training children to adulthood, His Word makes it clear that the parents are unequivocally in charge – regardless of whether or not they are perfectly wise, even-tempered, or even right (gasp!).

So long as the parent is doing their best to humbly pursue God and lead their family in righteousness, the children are told to “Obey [their] parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1)

By my children learning to grow up under my authority and cheerfully obey me and their dad, they are learning cheerful obedience and submission to God. This is one of the main purposes of parenting: discipling children to become disciples of God. By actively, intentionally training them to respond to parents in respectful obedience, regardless of their feelings on the subject, I am laying down a solid foundation for a healthy relationship of joyful obedience with their Eternal Father.

Remembering this helps me recognize that when my young children are challenging my authority, they’re actually rebelling against a governance that God put in place, and as such, this is a serious concern that warrants time and effort to correct.

Here’s What I Do to Take on Back-Talk:

1. First, I tackle the area of the problem which I have complete control over: ME.

I pray for God to show me what it is that needs to change in my own heart and mind.

Is there anything on my part that is adding to the problem when my children are challenging my authority and direction?

Am I reacting from fear or insecurity, not wanting to be seen as rigid and domineering? Am I coping poorly from tiredness or lack of energy from not getting enough sleep? Am I being negligent from laziness or unwillingness to cope with the effort and time it will take to address and retrain my children?

Is it something else?

I pray so that I can humbly ask for help and listen – the Holy Spirit knows exactly what my specific area of trouble is, I just need to be open and accepting of His diagnosis. (There may be a situation where I am not in error, but this, sadly, is not usually the case as I often discover there is something skewed with me before even starting to address the kids’ side of the issue.)

Then I repent and ask for strength, wisdom, and obedience to correct the issue: What do I need to shift in my thinking and speaking? Do I need to change my habits and go to bed earlier so I am better rested? What is it that is coming to my mind that I should put down (my phone) or pick up (the Bible, communication with my husband or a friend to hold me accountable)? And, sometimes the most convicting question: How do I speak to my husband and children? Am I demonstrating respect and using kind, courteous speech to them?

2. I plan ahead.

I decide before I am involved in a back-talk conflict what steps I will take to respond and correct. That way when it actually goes down I have a plan and am better able to stay calm and collected, rather than stressed and reactive.

Any ongoing challenges will be met with a consequence, moving of course from a gradual, small scale to larger, more significant consequences. The most important part is not the size of the consequence, but that there is one without me becoming angry or engaging as my child’s equal. I am demonstrating that the behavior they chose to exhibit is not permitted and will be met with negative feedback.

3. I have a family meeting for a general overview, and a one-on-one conversation with the main offender(s).

In the meeting, I remind the child(ren) of the family policy on back talk and why it’s not allowed in our home. I point out that God has placed parents over children until they are able to be responsible for themselves, and that talking back is challenging this authority. It is disrespectful to parents and it is disrespectful to God. Should they choose to pursue this way of communicating, there will be consequences.

I do, however, provide an opportunity for them to present their opinion or alternate idea in a respectful, honoring way: They may politely ask for a compromise. If the situation is appropriate and I am able, I consider their request. By recognizing that it is still ultimately my decision, I have more flexibility to include my children’s input without feeling like my authority is undermined. This way my children also feel heard and their opinions honored.  And sometimes the things my kids suggest are quite brilliant!

For a quick overview:

1. I deal with my own heart and attitudes first, bringing them to God.

2. I make a plan when I am not emotionally compromised.

3. I communicate clearly and respectfully.

Finally, even if it goes without saying, I pray for my children (and me!) to have soft, teachable hearts. I firmly believe that parenting is really about being parented – as a child of God, I need to check to see that I am also demonstrating the humble, joyful obedience to my Father that I long to see in my children.

May your heart be encouraged and strengthened today as you do the good work of discipling your littles to be disciples of Christ. “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” (Galatians 6:9, NLT)

Puttanesca – Savory, Garlicky, Zesty Deliciousness

Bright tomatoes, aromatic garlic sizzled in olive oil, the punch of capers and the saltiness of Kalamata olives – this is one of our family’s favorite dinners, with even my youngest demanding second (or third!) helpings.

I love it because it’s quite quick and easy, and if you have a few things stocked in your pantry, you can make it any weeknight when you’ve forgotten to thaw meat ahead of time (like I tend to do about once a week).

Don’t be put off by the anchovy paste or tempted to omit it until you’ve made this and tried it – while it’s perhaps a less common ingredient, it gives this dish the base notes of the amazing briny flavor and depth of authentic Puttanesca.

Don’t add salt until you’ve tasted it!  The anchovy paste, capers, and Kalamatas add quite a lot of salty flavor.  Let it simmer before you shake.

INGREDIENTS

  • 3 Tbsp olive oil
  • 4-5 cloves fresh garlic, minced
  • Dash crushed red pepper flakes (if desired)
  • 2 Tbsp anchovy paste (This is readily found in any well-stocked grocery store)
  • 6 oz tin tomato paste
  • 28-oz tin diced or crushed tomatoes (or tomato sauce in a pinch)
  • 2-3 Tbsp capers, drained (my kids like more)
  • 1 1/2 cups kalamata olives, sliced
  • 1 cup water
  • Fresh parsley, minced (if desired)
  • 16-oz pasta of choice, prepared according to package directions, drained, set aside

DIRECTIONS:

In large pot or sauté pan (I use my wok), heat about 3 Tbsp olive oil over medium heat. Add minced garlic, let sizzle till fragrant and just starting to turn golden, about 1 minute. 

Squirt in anchovy paste, sprinkle in dash of red pepper flakes (if using), stir gently till aromatic and somewhat clumpy-looking, another minute.

Add tomato paste and stir gently, then dump in crushed/diced tomatoes (or tomato sauce) and water.  Add capers and Kalamata olives. Stir.

Bring to bubbling, turn down to low and let simmer for about 10 minutes.

Taste, adjust seasonings if needed (some find the saltiness perfect, some like to add a small dash of salt) 

When the bubbling sauce is cohesive and the smell is filling your house with a delightful aroma, it’s probably close to done.

Serve on top of pasta, sprinkled with parsley.

To make my life easier, I put the cooked pasta back in the large pot I boiled it in and then tip the Puttanesca sauce over it, mix gently, and sprinkle the minced parsley on top (if I have it).

Serve immediately.

(Feeds a family of 8-10)

8 Kids and a Mini-Bus: An “Ordinary” Family Outing (Keeping It Real)

Move over, Swagger Wagon. Here comes the Spook Bus!

Confessions from a Mama of Many

When it’s ‘just us’, we count ten people.

And since the majority of us still require a booster or a carseat when we travel by car, that means we need a family vehicle that can accommodate this, while also allowing space for groceries, luggage, sports equipment, tools, diaper bags, and the random family friend or two. Or three.

Enter a former shuttle van, a black, 15-passenger Ford Transit, which we affectionately call “The Mini-Bus”, which technically might be an oxymoron.

There’s nothing like arriving at a friends’ barbecue in our big black shiny van.  We often roll up along an extended length of sidewalk to park, because sometimes the driveway is too short.  Turning off the engine, I usually call out careful reminders of overall behavior, expectations of good manners, kindness toward siblings, obedience toward parents, thankfulness towards the hosting family, and then recite the Gettysburg Address.  Just kidding.  (About the Gettysburg Address, I mean. I actually do say all the rest.)

Then we open the big side door. This is usually where at least two kids literally fall out onto the sidewalk because they couldn’t wait for a parent to help with their seatbelts and were leaning against the inside of the door, against the rules. The wails and sobbing from the ensuing scraped knees and hands create quite an entrance, if anyone happened to miss the actual arrival.

Then, after dealing with any emergencies, we have the ones who actually got out first without injuries try to stick close in a clump until we get the remaining horde crew out safely. In busy parking lots this can be a fascinating effort since we have a couple daydreamers who tend to drift gently away and completely block other parking spaces or veer into the way of other cars trying to drive by while observing a flying bird, an oddly-shaped cloud, or an interesting crack in the ground, deaf to all reminders to stay close. 

We also have a couple kids who love to finger-paint in the dust of our van – or truly, any available vehicle nearby – trailing once-clean fingers along the sides of streaked cars, then guiltily starting when I shriek their name, quickly wiping the grime from their fingers on their clothing. This is usually on our way in to church, while they’re wearing a nice outfit.

Of all my children, I have only two that have never thrown up in the car. Most of the rest have a strong tendency to carsickness, requiring careful planning and vigilant driving. “Look out the front window! Focus on those trees far away! Stop looking down!” is a commonly heard admonition on family drives. I have learned to bring a constant stash of wipes, bags, and something I’ve developed for these situations: a plastic container with a tightly sealed lid, lined with a couple paper towels for absorption. I usually bring a minimum of three.

On one infamous trip to pick up a food order from a place in the county we hadn’t been before, my GPS stopped working and I got lost driving up and down little forested hills with no idea where I was. Worried that we would miss our scheduled grocery pick up, I was anxious, and the children beginning to cry, squabble, and fight in the back didn’t help.

One of my sons started looking green, and his big sister yelled, “MOM! He’s going to throw up!” I began shrieking in panic, “Hold on! Just hold on! I’m going to pull over as soon as I can!” Seeing a driveway just ahead, I pulled over quickly, leaped out of the van, threw open the door and my son catapulted out to throw up on some bushes by the side of the road. Then, still gray-faced, he got back in the van full of wailing children, and I, completely stressed, hurriedly drove off. I’m not proud of this. (If those were your bushes, I deeply apologize.)

The other day I decided to be brave and load them all up for an outing, to get out of the house for an hour or so. My plan was to quickly throw on shoes, get in the van, drive to our church parking lot where they were handing out 30-day promise/prayer journals, and then head home for lunch.

Deep breath.

First we had to get ready. This involved siblings assisting/struggling with shoes, diaper changes, practicing military salutes, tickle fights, and wrestling when I had asked them to make sure they went to the bathroom.  

Saluting practice. One child apparently feeling two-handed salutes are better than one.
Tickle fight. Because that’s what I meant when I said, “Have you gone to the bathroom?”

One child unexpectedly had an emotional meltdown.

Another disappeared without a trace for about fifteen minutes – I later discovered that they had capriciously decided to change their entire outfit. For a drive where no one was planning on exiting the vehicle, in a van with tinted windows where no one could see them. Brilliant.

Then suddenly  it was remembered that some of the children had already written/drawn some cards/pictures for a couple of the pastors/ministry leaders at our church, so those had to be found to bring along.  But alas! This reminded the children who had not written or drawn any such communiqué that they were remiss and therefore needed to quickly make up for their lack. So, because I was still dealing with the meltdown child and also hadn’t yet gotten myself ready quite yet, I agreed. (Insert head slap.)

Twenty minutes later, now with various envelopes addressed to no less than five different people, each stuffed with drawings/notes, I sent the children who were ready out the front door to climb into the van. They were told to get in, help their little siblings put on their seat belts, and then strap themselves in and wait quietly while I grabbed my purse and locked the door.

 
Before I even managed to get my shoes on, my youngest toddler was somehow back out of the van, wandering around our front porch, and no less than three different children had also come running back inside to tattle or ask an asinine question.

With growing exasperation, I herded them all into the van, told them I was disappointed in their unwillingness to obey quickly, and ensured they were all strapped in.

Off we went!

The twenty-five minute drive was marked by various utterances from the eight passengers:

“Mom! Can you turn up the air conditioning?! I’m HOT!”

“Mom, I’m freezing!”

“Mom! She took my flip flops and won’t give them back!”

“Mom! He just said bum!” (in scandalized tones)

“Mom! He’s playing rock-paper-scissors with her and not looking out the front window so he’s going to get SICK!”

“I’m think I’m going to throw up.” (from the one child who is never carsick)

“I throw up!” (from the toddler, who hadn’t, but likes to say it)

“Mommy! She hit me and she didn’t say sorry!” (Culprit bursts into noisy tears)

Then, moments later, the same child: “Mommy! She’s looking at me!” (Culprit bursts into even louder sobs, this time from a deep sense of injustice.)

And the usual: “Mom! Are we there yet? How much longer?”

Yep. Good thing I was heading to pick up some prayer journals. I could really use them.